How to Become Less Popular or Quick Tips for Making Yourself Despicable

Sometimes life is too easy and you find you have too many friends, too many opportunities, too much money and you can't gain weight no matter what you eat. You are already well on your way to be disliked, even by those who say they like you, so celebrate! But what if it's just not enough? You crave more. Not outright hatred- no, that would simply require the murder of a puppy or something equally simple and pathetic. Besides, I like puppies. What the aim must be is a subtle undertone of intense dislike, verging on utter disdain and complete repulsion. Silky and light as a shadow. Now, here are the basics. There are so easy a child could master them. How have I come to know of these methods, you aren't asking me? I'll tell you, anyways, (see, isn't that annoying?)...I was born with these talents. As I grew up, I noticed I didn't have very many friends. I tried to tell myself it was because I didn't like very many people, but the truth was, folks generally didn't like me. Now at first I cried a lot. And then I tried really hard to make people like me. I did everything imaginable to be a likeable person.

I even read books about how to do it. But it seemed the harder I tried, the worse off I was. Why? I was going against my despicable nature. I had to embrace my unlikeableness and learn to enjoy it. It took years of angst driven pain to finally arrive in Hateville and call it home. Then I began to see the wonderful benefits of not being within the circle of well liked people. I saw that I was free in ways liked people never could be. That freedom is yours for the taking. Here are my tips for starting down the path to becoming unpopular.

Firstly, know who your target is. The insecure are super easy to squeeze hatred from. They can just look at you or hear one word out of your mouth and be instantly threatened, which equals hate in their little rodent minds. I experience this all the time. Immediate disgust. It cracks me up. They are like flies. You are going for bigger game. Number one thing you can do to become disliked? BE HONEST. People hate that shit. They are very attached to their delusions, illusions, pretty pony worlds where the princess never takes it up the bung hole. They like fake glitter and freshly scooped kitty litter and don't be a quitter! And all that crap. I find honesty refreshing. They find it toxic and offensive. Next, pretense. That word really means that I pretend the shit on your shoe smells like lavendar so you'll do the same for me because we are REAL poets. Also, let's all pretend that we are extremely brilliant. EVERYONE is brilliant. And special. That way, no one will feel left out. But what if I raise my hand and declare myself to be a witless nit? To be honest, I don't think I'm all that brilliant, most of the time. I mean, sometimes I'll have a moment where I'll get that genius/retard mindfuck thing and I'll feel really profound for about 30 seconds. But mostly I am just bumbling along and I can't help but notice, most other folks are, too. Once in a while, I do see something really brilliant and I say so.

Having said all that, I can say that I am very secure in myself, my identity, etc. I, unfortunately, know who I am. This can make you dislikeable right away by people who like blank canvases on which they can impose their neurotic needs upon. They want fearful, approval-seeking friends. Friends who are anxious and dependent, so they can manipulate them and then reject them. A lot of dysfunctional people out there. I just don't play. Nope. So, to a lesser degree this can also exist within a group dynamic- where the group wants to check you out before "accepting you" and that whole pack mentality thing is that the new dog should hang back, ground drop and show belly. I don't do that either. If I did, it would be a total show I'd be putting on. I come in like gangbusters and that means some people bristle and get their hackles up. So, be it. They'll get used to me over time.

That, right there, is a benefit of not being popular and not seeking to be well liked. You can do things on your own terms and not worry about appeasing other people and how you come across and ,gee, do they like me? It also applies to art. I think worrying about how one's work will be received could potentially thwart the creative process- stifle it from the get go. I have actually had "friends" express disapproval over my trying different voices, different styles. WHAT? As if our friendship gives them license to dictate who I am and should continue to be. No, I don't think so. Now, this doesn't mean that I am supporting the idea of communicating in a disrespectful way at any time. That would be counter-productive. Being liked "personally" has so little to do with anything I value but community is important. I don't have to like you or your work to respect you and your work. I think people get very confused about that.

Next, to be unpopular, always, ALWAYS, do your own thing. Follow your own genius (even if it's retarded) and don't apologise for it. Write whatever the hell you want. Offend me. Freak me out. Completely devastate my moral foundation. Make me question why I'm writing this.

Okay, there's more but I need a cigarette and my computer isn't trustworthy lately, so, I'd better just submit. I wonder if my posting pin-ups pisses people off or makes them think, (say it in a whiny, superior voice), "She's not a serious artist." Hehehehe...That's the biggest weapon you've got in your arsenal, people. A sense of Big Gulp cherry Slurpee head freeze humour. Use it and the masses will part their friction burned thighs and beg you for baby powder....Love, Catherine