Displaced - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Displaced

[By Misty]

An aberration is what you were,
In the scheme of my life,
Where my impractical ideas,
Set bars so very high, for so many.

Maybe if I'd been easier to please,
I could've more easily found a niche.
I might have discovered, where,
In this vast puzzle I finally fit.

But it wasn't so......

I could never seem to change my shape,
With these jagged edges,
That no one seems to know,
How to sand and smooth over.

For an anomaly is what I am.
I don't hardly ever find a place,
Where I am in tune with everyone else,
Finally finding that harmonic vibe.....

And it seems,
I'm a discordant note,
In a melody
Of which I don't belong.

Mosquitobyte -

Welcome Misty! It's been a while since we've got to read each other work...or go on viking raids for that matter.

*rummages in your bottom draw looking for virgins*

Anyhow...to the poem.

The general thrust of the piece is apparent from the get go, and with that in mind, I don't have any issues. In fact, I kinda like it!.

The likening of antagonist and protagonist to anomolies only serves to show that we are indeed, all different.

One line strck me as badly written initiallly,
"I don't hardly ever find a place, "

Then I came to the final stanza,:

"And it seems,

I'm a discordant note,

In a melody

Of which I don't belong"

The first line did indeed kick me out of the 'melody" in which I was reading the piece. So, intended or not, that line ends up working when considered with the whole.

For many though, this "hiccup" in the rythm will cause a certain level of consternation. If it wasn't intended, I'd certainly clean it up.

Mos.

Aphasic -

Hi Misty...
good idea for a poem, though there are a few points you might consider addressing.
For instance, if the narrator of this piece is an anomaly, out of tune with everyone else, then surely the object/person to whom she(?) is 'speaking' cannot be regarded as an 'aberration'?
I think your use of punctuation needs some attention. Many of the line-end commas could be discarded; e.g.
"Where my impractical ideas,
Set bars so very high, for so many."
Also, where commas are used as clause separators, the opening comma should be accompanied by another to close; e.g.
"I might have discovered, where,
In this vast puzzle I finally fit."
[would be better as]
'I might have discovered where,
In this vast puzzle, I finally fit.'
The last two lines are grammatically incorrect;
"I'm a discordant note,
In a melody
Of which I don't belong"
[should be something like]
"I'm the discordant note
Of a melody
In which I don't belong."

A few other points to ponder, but I'll leave it there for fear of being remanded on assault charges