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Shakespeare's Monkeys

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Hi Misty...
good idea for a poem, though there are a few points you might consider addressing.
For instance, if the narrator of this piece is an anomaly, out of tune with everyone else, then surely the object/person to whom she(?) is 'speaking' cannot be regarded as an 'aberration'?
I think your use of punctuation needs some attention. Many of the line-end commas could be discarded; e.g. 
"Where my impractical ideas,
Set bars so very high, for so many."

Also, where commas are used as clause separators, the opening comma should be accompanied by another to close; e.g.
"I might have discovered, where,
In this vast puzzle I finally fit."

[would be better as]
'I might have discovered where,
In this vast puzzle, I finally fit.'

The last two lines are grammatically incorrect;
"I'm a discordant note,
In a melody
Of which I don't belong"

[should be something like]
"I'm the discordant note
Of a melody
In which I don't belong."

A few other points to ponder, but I'll leave it there for fear of being remanded on assault charges


 

by Aphasic on Jul. 14 2008