Alcuin of York - Like, where's the passion, Dude?
Why is a night in fine with you? What is the meaning of "live life"? As compared to living non-life? In short, what makes you think you're missing something, and what is it that you imagine you're missing? Is this just the result of being propagandized by the world of marketing, telling you you only have one life to live, so live it with all the gusto you can? Usually those ads are directed at people sitting on a couch watching someone else playing the game.
In short, turn off the damned TV; get your nose out of all ad-infested writing (yes, that means magazines and newspapers); and figure out why the kind of life being lived by Lindsey Lohan and Britney is so screwed up. What are they missing.
Alternately, just imagine your dying day 40 years from now. Even better, your last minute. Ask yourself what you want your life to have meant to you in that last 60-seconds of looking back.
It's not a question of getting a life, but of finding your passion. (No, that does not mean emotion or sex!).
Alcuin of Rantland
Jeffrey Parren - I understand where you are coming from and yes I have posed that question to myself quite frequently: "On my death bed..." Well I haven't figured it out yet.
To assume I am led by tv and commercials and the lives of stars you are off base. The only tv I watch is sports, and trust me I don't see sports stars as role models. Just and FYI, I am 27.
I believe I have concerns that are viable. I did as my parents dictated for many years and looking back as well as hearing about the experiences of others around me that I may have missed something. It is a general yet specific wonder. Would my life be better if I did more crazy stuff?
A night in is fine with me because it is all I have really known. I never made the effort to go out and party that much. I feel as if I may be boring. Unadventurous. Lazy. Take your pick.
Also trust in me saying that Lohan and Britney are train wrecks and I understand that. I am not a dipshit, even though it feels like you are cornering me into that group.
I used to think happiness was the only thing to be able to look back and say yes I was happy. I suppose defining what happiness is for me is the passion behind your last question, and yes I understand not emotion or sex...you clearly didn't understand where I was coming from nor my maturity level, so in that I suppose my writing represents me as if I were 12, but hey, I went to class, I passed easily. I was a dork. Placed there instantly by classmates because I studied and didnt drink or smoke pot, so I just stayed. Now I wonder if I am still encapsulated in some kind of shell that is holding me back from taking chances and putting myself out there to the fullest. Trust me I am not a fan of thinking or writing it, and I thank you for writing back, though I feel a little put off by the way you narrowed me into a group assuming I am blindly led by everything that is around me instead of my inner thoughts and taking a wide eyed look around as being the inspiration and starting point of my journal....
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~JPP
~JPP
Leanne - Jeffrey, welcome to the world of the artist. My theory on this is that people who are absolutely content with the way things are just aren't able to open their eyes. And as a thinker, I'm afraid you're never going to fit in -- the world is full of sheep, you should know that by now 
Personally I've never even had a cigarette, let alone an illegal drug; I've never shoplifted and I have all sorts of problems if I even return a DVD rental late. Although occasionally I do wish I weren't so bloody anal about these things, I've also come to the conclusion that were I to lapse I'd be so consumed by guilt I'd be even more miserable than if I'd just kept regretting not doing it. Catch 22 I guess. Alcuin is largely right, if ironically so -- we're constantly bombarded by images of people partying in orgiastic glory and made feel as if we're missing something for not wanting that. It's marketing -- blame Bacardi et al. Trust me, there are plenty of people who would rather a night in, and it's not because we're boring, it's because we're comfortable with our own company rather than needing to gloss ourselves over with mascara, smoke and silk knickers. Insecurity starts to set in when we let ourselves believe that the glamour bombardments are right.
It wouldn't hurt to find compromises -- for example, I'd prefer to go to a pub and listen to a band in relative peace rather than jump around in a sweaty mosh pit. I'd rather go to a party on the beach than in a nightclub. Still going out, but you're not compelled to act the same as everyone else. You are not the same as everyone else -- my suggestion is, embrace it.
White_Feather - Hey Jeffrey - I don't think you're missing too much from the party life, but I do think our culture tends to glorify it along with other adrenaline releasing activities like bungee jumping or shows like the "Deadliest Catch". I started thinking about this after a friend of mine became furious with her boyfriend for his decision to become a firefighter. And all I could think of was, "well, at least he's not jumping out of airplanes!" I sometimes suspect that the culture's fascination with the extreme, or pointlessly dangerous, comes from a lack of meaningful ways to fight off the primal lions and tigers and protect the tribe. I'm sure you'll find your way. Just exploring the question is a great way to start. :)
Alcuin of York - Well yes, you're right. I did make some assumptions about where you were ‘coming from'. Given the sparseness of info provided, I had to make some assumptions, but I realize now I should have begun asking questions first to qualify the origin of your questions. So let me begin with an apology for jumping in nose-first.
I think that finding one's passion - meaning what stirs your soul so deeply that at the end of your life, looking back, you will be certain that the activity was your version of living fully, in fact, made your life fulfilling - I think finding that is very difficult. Most people don't even think of such things; it just never enters their mind. Few look for it; and a precious few find it and achieve it. So you get 2 points from me right off for just asking seriously the question.
My poorly-stated point about the media was that it pulls us away from that center within us that already knows where our passion lies. The issue isn't happiness, I think, but contentment, which is a different goal. The media don't push it because if we were ever to achieve it, we would spend less money. Does that makes sense?
I'm old enough to be able to give you some advice, but what you're seeking is so fundamental that it's hard to describe. Let me just say that I have found that spending a few weeks being very observant of things around you; and then reflecting on WHAT HAS CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION - that method seems to reveal to ourselves more about where our inner passions lie than anything else.
Alcuin
Tracey - As more of a "good girl" than not for most of my life, I've had those moments of wonderment. As an adult swept into caregiving for my parents at an early age (26), I've often had moments of wishing for a very different life that involves travel, weed and dirty dancing 'til the sun shines.
I find two things really helpful in those moments of self-doubt and confusion:
1) Getting out of myself, as in being with other people or helping someone with something. Sometimes I can see myself better -- what turns me on, makes me laugh -- with other people as both mirrors and windows into other ways of thinking and being.
2) There are a few things that bring me joy and/or put me in a state of "flow" where I forget about time and space and feel genuinely "authentic:" When I do mosaics, when I am playing and laughing with my kids, when I'm swimming or belly dancing. The thing is, I rarely make time to do most of those things, so the trick is to be conscious and just do 'em.
:)
Alcuin of York - Shame on you, Tracey, for not making more time for those things (especially the belly dancing)!
Alcuin
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