July 15, 2007

I understand where you are coming from and yes I have posed that question to myself quite frequently:  "On my death bed..."  Well I haven't figured it out yet.

To assume I am led by tv and commercials and the lives of stars you are off base.  The only tv I watch is sports, and trust me I don't see sports stars as role models.  Just and FYI, I am 27.  

I believe I have concerns that are viable.  I did as my parents dictated for many years and looking back as well as hearing about the experiences of others around me that I may have missed something.  It is a general yet specific wonder.  Would my life be better if I did more crazy stuff?

A night in is fine with me because it is all I have really known.  I never made the effort to go out and party that much.   I feel as if I may be boring.  Unadventurous.  Lazy.  Take your pick.

Also trust in me saying that Lohan and Britney are train wrecks and I understand that.  I am not a dipshit, even though it feels like you are cornering me into that group.  

I used to think happiness was the only thing to be able to look back and say yes I was happy.  I suppose defining what happiness is for me is the passion behind your last question, and yes I understand not emotion or sex...you clearly didn't understand where I was coming from nor my maturity level, so in that I suppose my writing represents me as if I were 12, but hey, I went to class, I passed easily.  I was a dork.  Placed there instantly by classmates because I studied and didnt drink or smoke pot, so I just stayed.  Now I wonder if I am still encapsulated in some kind of shell that is holding me back from taking chances and putting myself out there to the fullest.  Trust me I am not a fan of thinking or writing it, and I thank you for writing back, though I feel a little put off by the way you narrowed me into a group assuming I am blindly led by everything that is around me instead of my inner thoughts and taking a wide eyed look around as being the inspiration and starting point of my journal....