005 The moral of what happened to Uncle Jute

More in the nature of a cautionary tale than a little willie. This needs editing still, or putting out of it's misery. Feel free.

Uncle Jute, the silly coot
Lost his way on the autoroute
Turning left instead of right
found New York, not the Isle of Wight

Now he can't speak proper queen's UK:
has a nasal drawl from the USA;
gets dollars and cents, not pounds and pence;
has a screen door, not a garden fence

All this goes to demonstrate
what happens when you just won't wait
at traffic lights or use a map.
Learn from Jute's most dreadful fate.

Anstey -
Hahah. Yep, that needs some work. The extra beat i the last line of S1 is a bit troublesome. (unless I"m just misreading?) S3 is a bit painful. BUT, i didn't cry.
-----

stephan

Derma Kaput -

I have no problem with this until it clunks on "a map" - and then the whole final line clunks. that shouldn't be so hard to fix, should it?

Pags -

Yes - those last 2 lines are really poor. You are right. It SHOULD be easy to fix. Tonight I'm struggling. Tomorrow may make it clearer. The whole poem needs to feel effortless. At the moment it doesn't.

Leanne -

Pags, you already have "just won't wait" so you're on the negative, why not change the second last line to "at traffic lights, or use a map" and do a quick fix on the last line?

I also find the first line of S2 a bit short, given the speeding up required for the rest of that stanza (which I like), how about "Now he can't speak proper Queen's UK"?

Good fun all round though -- a bit like the Beatles "turn left at Greenland".