The Gospel According To Moron (Iscariot Mix)

Stigmata Diabolic

I am a veritable parasite
Of fidelity
Animated by interaction
The irreverent play of words
Artless noises
Exchanged with pinioned minions

People like you

Knees bruised
Spines crushed
By the delusions I admonish

By all means
Try to demean me
Say your prayers of supplication
As you admonish me

Amoral?

What are morals
But the precepts one group
Would impose on another

So yes
Call me amoral
Of evil temperament

Tempered in your penitence
Do you turn the other cheek?

It is just that lack of conviction
On which I feed

Anstey -

I like this idea, but I think you got a ways to go on this one Mos. FIrst of all, the end is great. Love that idea/line.

I like the parts throughout where you have a near repetition with a twist. the amoral/moral -- means/demeans.

I don't like the words/words though, and at other places, you don't carry the pattern and it felt wrong.

Honestly, this was the type of poem where I think i'd like to see a more consistent line, even to the point of making this perfectly metric. It would add a sort of emphasis which, I think is missing.

Mosquitobyte -

Fair comments Stephan but when have you ever known me to worry about metre? lol I'll give it some thought nonetheless.

Mos.

Anstey -

;) you and me both. I just felt like a bit more of a regular line might add emphasis to the interesting twisted off-repetitions.

Mosquitobyte -

Well, I don't think I'll ever get the metre perfect, it's simply something I feel gets in teh way of my word play at times, so I'm just not used to aiming (yet alone thinking of) it.

I do think this change improves it somewhat.

*bangs head against wall in frustration*

Mos.