Aphasic - Leanne...
Revelling in the rhyming scheme - I guess that dream extension was too inviting to resist (it either telegraphs the internals, or disguises by distracting/protracting; I can't decide which - all in the eye of the beholder perhaps.)
I was tempted to read 'suppositories', but your metrical prowess doesn't really leave that particular avenue of pleasure open to me :>
I wouldn't feel comfortable using 'but' and 'though' in the same line/successive clauses, but that's merely a personal idiot sin (crassly) though.
Last line doesn't have the impact I've been spoiled to expect from you in delivering an inimitable sardonic swipe [I think it comes down to 'cheat', despite it being the 'natural' rhyming conclusion to that stanza]. [But/though I do like the 'green' [& 'jade'] interplay/implications.
Minor complaints - more than enough colour to lift my mind out of its greyscale configuration and into the clear white reflected light :>
[If, as I suspect, I make no sense, it's because I'm feeling somewhat green...]
Leanne - Cheers Laura, this was a quickie straight onto the site yesterday so you've hit it as raw as it comes -- I'm not entirely sure what to make of it myself yet, so I haven't even thought about editing. I'll most likely head down the paths you've paved though, since I'm too lazy to make any of my own. The dream is a bit much, yes? I don't need it for the rhyme, that's already covered, so I'm going to think of something slightly different.
I've been looking at the but/though, but I need them both (though) I think. It doesn't actually bother me, but again -- lazy. I'll continue to ponder. Lazily.
The last line works for me but then, I know what I'm talking about. I did sit and think for a long time before I stuck it in there, so that should probably tell me something. It might need another stanza.
Many happy penguins for taking a look.
Anstey - This poem is really luxurious. I love so much of the language of it. Particularly the first and third stanzas. The opening stanza is a marvel and sucked me right in. The third..i'm a sucker for the word "tincture"
Oh, and that title is fantastic! I wish i could write poetry like you.
Leanne - :) I figured nobody else would use tincture to rhyme an ing. The perfect solution.
Penguins are not so evil as they'd like you to think. They're really more Fred Astaire than Dr No.
Leanne - A penguin cannot climb a tree,
It has no tail and thus would be
The black and white epitome
Of failure in ascendancy
By contrast, monkeys in the sea
(Except the surfing chimpanzee,
The one from Californiee)
Are pinnacles of primacy
So monkeys win, as oft they do
In contests of the species zoo-
ological, but answer who
has seen a penguin flinging poo?
Aphasic - Ms Doom is rarely irritated - she either ex- or implodes, which is distinctly galling in itself. Spurious at best, so scratch that.
I have no idea what either of us is talking about, so I came up with 'his bill too high for us to meet', which I expect to be unceremoniously dumped in the skip of misconstructions...pass the morphine :>
I have seen penguins whilst flinging poo, though I suspect that to be a consequence of post-prandial arch antics.
"where lemons burst upon the tree." Sardonic to acerbic in one majestic headstanza - I'm really not averse to this appendage Mme Hanson.
Losing contact, retirement calls, cries sheep...
Aphasic - Oh, that's a shame Leanne - in retrospect, I kinda liked the original 'cheat' thing :>
On a less irritating perverse theme, I'm rather taken with the inverted vase scenario, replete with hollow stem(s)...perhaps it's the association with Rubin's figure-ground thing - it has, almost, a cubist ambiance, very much unlike the Hanson penguin illusion.
Highlight for me remains 'a dynasty bred just for height/a kite with tails of docking line' - how rich a vein of nuances could I find elsewhere in a pride of lines? But then the same could be said for S3 L1 & 2, or indeed the whole piece [just to contradict myself]. Did I omit to comment on the quality of such a scribbled whim? Not an accurate description perhaps - I've never been BIG on detail...
Leanne - Jaysus, so now I'm a line cubist? Perhaps that's a result of my penophilia.
How many lines perverse?
Aphasic - For a cubist? 12, I guess - too many to countenance.
My perpetual square-bashing can only be put down to penophobic type-casting - whereas you are a fine digital dancer...
Leanne - And at the bottom of the kith and kiln, one is left with penache.
I still have no clue what this is about, do you?
Aphasic - To my tinctured mind, the idea is to dismiss all proffered interpretations, then proclaim a profoundly prodigious perspective that confounds the cognitive capabilites of mere mortals. Of course, this preferred contrivance succeeds only when said mortals offer up interpretations - in their absence, the writer's fate is to be hoist by her own penache...
More succinctly - no, I don't 
Leanne - It's a challenge, grasshopper -- they're taken up only when there's money or a naked woman underneath the gauntlet. Thanks for your help though, you're invaluable (though I know you have your price, really).
Aphasic - Anstey - you're so decadent. There are no naked women underneath the gauntlet.
It's a very small gauntlet; t'would hit you like a glove.
Leanne - From what I've heard, Anstey only needs a small gauntlet.
No need to worry, your secret's perfectly safe here -- looks like there's nobody else around.
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