I Knew Her Long Enough To Know

A poem that will probably make her sick...

It was the edge of her lips' swagger,

that seemed to catch them off balance,

sidestepping her suspected

wind-whipping temper

when anyone stepped on her sails.

But I suspected few people knew

that deep down she was just guarding

her side of the sea;

a reef's vast breathing, barrier of beauty-

rarely seen shores, intoxicating

pull of unborn sirens singing in a secret womb,

gold hidden, plunged in stars caging

dissonant nights, where she climbs,

knee torn skies keeping watch on rusted wire,

one feather shy of wings dreaming

past all foreseen horizon's hope.

Sorry, my dear, for the pic and the poem. I hope they balance each other out. Love, Catherine

Limeymcfrog -

I found the line breaks to be a bit too choppy, I had a hard time putting together your images because of them.

When I did, I thought your internal "ocean defending tragic quasi-angel" to be a very effective image. I was interested in the womb imagery. The "unborn sirens" coupled with the "rusty wire" made me seriously question if this is supposed to an abortion image. Just a thought.

My critique would be: I have no doubt that the second part (after "but I suspected") has something to do with the first, but I can't really know because I don't have enough context. If "they" are expecting her to be angry, why? Who are they? Just hinting one way or another might give me another clue to better understand the second part better.

Celticlion -
Thank you so much for a great review. I should study more about line breaks/enjambment because I agree with you- I don't think I'm using them as effectively as I could be and I certainly don't want poorly chosen ones screwing with my imagery. This is a portrait- an intuitive portrait, really, for I don't know this person extremely well, but felt closely connected rather quickly. The "suspected" in the first is meant to represent how she might come off or be seen by folks who don't know her, and though I don't know her all that well, I "suspect" something quite different. This may not be translating, but that is what I meant. The "abortion" is very insightful of you to pick up on, but it is by no means literal- it's all psychological- as in, fearing what you will create or give birth to and killing it or not allowing it to be born because of that fear. I will look at my line breaks and all the suggestions you've made as helpful reviews don't come along too often. I appreciate it....C

Gorbe kure -

checky check your email, c.