
I do that erase thing too, attack of nerves
all I write is shite, it's more consistant that way.
the 4th stanza seems not in keeping with the rest of the poem, could be me, but I think it could stand without it.... or it could be a poem of its own (I do like the wording in it).
btw all my reviewing is shite as well - so feel free to ignore me completely
----- Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm

Don't you dare lose an ounce!
But besides that, Ruth is right about S3, pull it out and rework it as its own poem.
S2, I think you might want to break into the two thoughts. The first stanza, "I eat..." the second "I sit..." the third "I watch..."
I find the idea of you watching a river roar in your ears sort of interesting as well.
However, I think the poem does weaken a bit towards the end. Not that it's bad there either, but the opening is quite strong, and I don't think the end measures up until the last stanza, which I find quite amusing. I wish I wrote those lines.

I think its all pap and i think i will delete it tomorrow and write a new one...
wham bam thank you mam

Why would you delete somethign just because it's pap? 99% of mine is pap. I keep it around for later when i need something to edit. I say, mark it pap if you want, but don't delete. That's just unthinkable.

I delete with abandon, but likely shouldn't - maybe someday I'll even regret it. but I like this.... keep it and play with it
----- Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm