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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

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Pieces

I eat cereal three times a day

Then stare at my stomach

With NutCrunch stuck between my teeth

 

Sit in the sun in my underpants

A beer warming between my knees

I watch my skin turn pink

Snow melting on the mountains

River roaring in my ears

 

I erase all my poetry

Before anyone else reads it

Because the words mean nothing

And because its all shit

 

I beg for someone who can hold my interest

Maybe someone who can teach me to juggle

Cartwheel

Play the Double Bass

Lose some weight

Pick up all the scraps of paper

Leaking biros

Pencils sharpened to useless nubs

Cornflakes

 

I could ask all day

Wait in the haze

But I could never afford a Double Bass

 

 

 

 

 

Callooh - on May 7 2008

 I do that erase thing too, attack of nerves

all I write is shite, it's more consistant that way.

the 4th stanza seems not in keeping with the rest of the poem, could be me, but I think it could stand without it.... or it could be a poem of its own (I do like the wording in it).

btw all my reviewing is shite as well - so feel free to ignore me completely 

 ----- Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm


Anstey - on May 7 2008
Don't you dare lose an ounce!

But besides that, Ruth is right about S3, pull it out and rework it as its own poem.

S2, I think you might want to break into the two thoughts. The first stanza, "I eat..." the second "I sit..." the third "I watch..."

I find the idea of you watching a river roar in your ears sort of interesting as well.

However, I think the poem does weaken a bit towards the end. Not that it's bad there either, but the opening is quite strong, and I don't think the end measures up until the last stanza, which I find quite amusing. I wish I wrote those lines.
Starla - on May 7 2008
I think its all pap and i think i will delete it tomorrow and write a new one...


wham bam thank you mam
Anstey - on May 7 2008
Why would you delete somethign just because it's pap? 99% of mine is pap. I keep it around for later when i need something to edit. I say, mark it pap if you want, but don't delete. That's just unthinkable.
Callooh - on May 8 2008

I delete with abandon, but likely shouldn't - maybe someday I'll even regret it. but I like this.... keep it and play with it 

----- Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm


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