Water Colour - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Water Colour

The butter gold of brown trout
melting down the river's throat;

a sea trout's polished spoon
glints a ghost of silver moon;

salmon turn like autumn leaves,
red as berries, spawning lives;

pike flash their weedy stripes:
needles puncture, flesh strips;

dorsal humps of granite rocks
are heron-grey in gravel rakes.

The bark-brown fields
of ploughed-up folds

swarm with wings in white formation
that fleck and flock in close commotion.

The wind in sea-green trees
ululates when weather tries

to break the flooded bank
at chocolate water's churning brink.

Anstey -
Hey! Great to see you you again!

Butter gold of brown trout
Ok.. for some reason, the 'butter gold of brown' struck me odd. It's probably just me, but i had some trouble wrapping my brain around it.

is melting down the river's throat;
love that. LOVE. THAT.

The bark-brown fields
of ploughed-up folds

This is a very interesting use of short line to turn the poem. With the persistence of color and the somewhat impressionist use of words, this sudden short stroke amidst the generally longer lusher ones stood out and created just the right movement toward the conclusion. I really thought that was well done.

U668857 -

Thanks, Anstey - good point -the native trout of British rivers

is the brown trout which is a bit of a misnomer - they're usually

a lovely golden brown....to be honest, I was just playing

around with images and words here based on piscatorial

memories....BRgds.,Alan.

Anne -

Overall, I liked the descriptive words of this poem. I think alot of useless words can be taken out and the poem needs to be tightened up. Some lines rhyme, others do not and the cadence is confusing to me. The word trout is used twice and close together-can another noun be used?

What is a sea trout's silver spoon?

I am confused as to what the poem should say or carry. It seems like a list of observations to me. Is that the intent?

Anne

All my way, in my time, in my words, in myself.

Josie -

I think this is beautiful, evocative and sensual.

-josie

Colleen -

your descriptions here painted a beautiful picutre for me...

such as

"dorsal humps of granite rocks
are heron-grey in gravel rakes."

Anstey -
The title made me think you were trying for a sort of painting effect, soft imgaes of a sort.

U668857 -
Many thanks, all, for the comments. Indeed, the title says it - I was aiming for a painting in words...and probably an impressionistic painting at that. There's a predominant colour in each couplet:gold, silver, red, green, grey, brown, etc...(the spoon image is a play with images of silver cutlery and also a fishing spoon (a lure)I.use slant rhyme mostly: leaves/lives, stripes/strips...observations - yes - but hopefully interpretive and original....BRgds.,Alan.