Anti-trust - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Anti-trust

Amaranthine Fetish

I have come to tell you something
There's someone in my mind
There is someone deep inside
Someone you left behind
He has come to spread your wings
Retribution for bitter things
Revenge
I'll never get enough
If I cut your heart out
Will it grow back on?
If I gave you blood
Would I see you drown?
This angel here
Inside of me
That you made a whore
Twisted and tormented
He could take no more
Don't you tell me
I went too far
I can't see the slightest scar
But when I look inside these eyes
All I see is how you went too far
You killed your brother
And I am the scar

Rene' -

I sincerely hope that you receive some sort of cathartic release through your poems. I can feel the tremendous pressure from your words.

I am not yet sure how you feel about critiques or suggestions but here I go once again!

"I've come to tell you something
There's someone in my mind
There's someone deep inside
Someone you left behind"

You used a contraction in the second line but not the first or third. When I read it out loud, it seemed to help the flow if you use them in all three lines. The rest of the poem has a great beat and the flow is smooth.

----- just wandering the maze of hallways in my bent mind!

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!

Mosquitobyte -

Yeah, I'd thought on that when I originally wrote this, deciding in the end that the 3 different starts for the lines were a good indicator to the splitting of my mind at that time. I think it shows that lack of cohesiveness well myself.

If it were not for that point, I would most assuredly have agreed with you on this one.

Mos.