Embracing The Tempest

summer swelters though

northern storms simmer in.

seduced by balmier breezes

i weather these gales

(i’ve known storms bigger than this)!

i reach up toward rumbling skies,

can’t help a little laugh in the face of thunder

finding hidden kisses

between raindrops

and cool relief

perhaps the showers will settle awhile

i like to dance in the rain.

Though, moreso,

I love how the solstice sun

promises even steamier air.

Rice Janelle
35 posts

on June 23 2007

Oooh..I really love the imagery in this! Very reminiscent of summer storms, but all teases at something hidden beneath that summer storms can translate to. "steamier air"... very "lusty"! (to quote my former Mythology teacher who pronounced everything as being "lusty")

Stephan Ansteyfrom Lowell, MA
Associate, 6232 posts

on June 24 2007

Hey, nice job. couple of minor points. I'd remove the exclamation point, the parens deemphasize the you try to emphasize with the point.. i think it doesn't work. If you want to emphasize that line, i'd say break it off as it's own stanza.

I'd also suggest removing the 'up' -- just reach toward the skies.

And i'm not sure about 'can't help a little' -- i think maybe you could pull that out and emphasize the point.

rather than 'finding' i'd just say 'find'

I'd flip the next two lines

"find hidden raindrops/and cool relief/between raindrops"

This last bit, I think needs a bit more pop. I'd remove the perhaps. Be bold! when the storm settles

i will dance in the rain/
then make love to the solstice sun
and her promises of steamy air"

or something like that. I think the boldness would be a bit merrier is all.

Good job!

Fondly

stephan

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stephan