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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in Rhiannon's Poetry

Blank Wall Vilanelle

My first stab at a villanelle. I'm not happy with it. It makes me giggle....I think maybe the subject matter doesn't lend itself to the kind of gravity the form seems to give it. It sounds kind of ridiculous to me....like singing "Don't Worry...Be Happy!" in Gregorian chant.
At staircase landing gapes a wide blank wall
They’d fancied several ways to fill its space
Alone she hearkens empty canvas’ call

An unembellished emptiness so tall
Awaits bestowing of distinctive face
At staircase landing gapes a wide blank wall

She contemplates the starkness of this hall
Imagines whimsied flourishes of grace
Alone she hearkens empty canvas’ call

Festooned with trinkets from a market stall
With souvenirs she’ll tell a tale of place
At staircase landing gapes a wide blank wall

For quirky treasures leisurely she’ll trawl
Hunt odd adornment at discerning pace
Alone she hearkens empty canvas’ call

For sentimental reasons dear and small
Each foraged bauble holds a meaning’s trace
At staircase landing gapes a wide blank wall
Alone she hearkens empty canvas’ call
Anstey - on Feb. 14 2007
Now, I feel really pompous making any suggestions on this, but I suspect the problem might be similar to a haiku without a sufficiently strong revelatory moment at the end. Technically, I don't think there's much wrong with this. I like a lot of the language, and the meter, at least at first glance seems fine. So, that suggests that the problem is thematic.

As Pags said in an earlier discussion ( Villanelle's Anyone? ) the double-meaning is vital to a successful villanelle. I feel like there really aren't any suggested different meanings in yours that offer the audience a different direction of thought, or a contrast of thoughts that really take the (rather neatly) built up drama and focus it into a powerful revelation.


  • stephan

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