Blank Wall Vilanelle

Now, I feel really pompous making any suggestions on this, but I suspect the problem might be similar to a haiku without a sufficiently strong revelatory moment at the end. Technically, I don't think there's much wrong with this. I like a lot of the language, and the meter, at least at first glance seems fine. So, that suggests that the problem is thematic.

As Pags said in an earlier discussion ( Villanelle's Anyone? ) the double-meaning is vital to a successful villanelle. I feel like there really aren't any suggested different meanings in yours that offer the audience a different direction of thought, or a contrast of thoughts that really take the (rather neatly) built up drama and focus it into a powerful revelation.

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• stephan