Cigarette burns - Shakespeare's Monkeys

cigarette burns

She holds static on her tongue and a cigarette between her teeth cranberry kisses such sweet rhapsodies behind her eyes The broken morning stretches every limb to hide in her shadow and I bleed for her I bleed for everything I cannot have

She holds her tongue against me and I feel her cigarette burns

Chewed fingertips feel like forgotten kisses and taste of ash nothing hurts because nothing registers and everything is mine left to in clenched fists and mark the drip of pointless time I bleed for her and cherish everything I cannot have

She holds her body against mine and we both die a little

Anstey -
I'm reading this as a prose poem, and as a poem, i think form would help it quite a bit. As prose, I think it needs more. I do like the ending and the opening lines a lot.

um. yes. that.

Starla -
Erm, it did have form, but I'm not sure whats happened to it...

wham bam thank you mam

Anstey -
LOoks like you're having some editor problem. The best bet is to force the new lines with the yacs code. It's above the textarea when you go into editor mode. (Yacs Editor, not the FCKeditor)

stephan

Alcuin of York -
I too have had some editor problems – line breaks and tabs not working. I can imagine what you had originally – a line break before “cranberry” f’rinstance. I like the “broken morning” line – the multiple images it evokes. The “left to” doesn’t work for me at all. Perhaps I’m just not getting the point of the usage because of the lack of formatting. Alcuin

Mira -
Maybe it should stay as a prose piece. Then, start another, totaly new and fresh poem with this piece as a step toward what you really want to express. Dig deeper into yourself: what did you really feel...what were the brief thoughts...that cut into...freeze those in a poem. I love the concept. Think about it more...it helps. Mira M.