A Day Like Every Other

Sunlight slices the blind, my forehead,
the anonymity prescribed
by ten thousand variations on a theme;
as a rule, nothing changes
into something less formal.
Mother's cellulite phone vibrates
in concert with a dirge
of chemo-dancers waiting on their wings.

First light nerves shredded,
crushpacked in a box marked
"Pulp Fiction" -- I shake my head.
A coherent thought escapes,
shooting aspersions, denying complicity
until the trial goes cold.
A gravid future kicks me,
prematurely, into action.

In a fit of coffee, I reject
Bukowski in favour of painkillers,
the lesser of two clichés
delivering me from evaluation
as self rediscovers consciousness.
I throw up. The bowl reflects
my demeanour; ill-prepared
to face the rigor of a new day.

Leanne Hanson -

I warn you, I have had much cabernet, but I'll take you up on the Derri-duh challenge...

Sunlight slices through the blind - do you need "through"? Slices the blind is quite dramatic.

the anonymity
of ten thousand variations on a theme

what do you think of:

anonymous to
ten thousand variations on a theme

?

First light nerves etc... have you ever used some compound words in your poems? I don't remember. Anyway, I can't help thinking that here would be a good spot to break them in. Like:

First light nerves
shredcrushpack
in a box marked...

I really don't like pleading the fifth -- I find that cliched and too obviously trying for a punny tie-in. It's unsubtle.

Pregnant future likewise, it's been used too many times before. You could always have a gravid future though.

Like the last stanza much. I think it's the hurling. It makes me happy.

Laura doom -

Having taken Leanne's suggestions on board...
Yeh -- 'through' is surplus.
The 'anonymity' thing -- pause for thought -- how do you read the subject/predicate in your variation? My modification is unsatisfactory; 'proscribed' could be applied with equal invalidity. Originally, anonymity was sliced, resulting in a subliminal recognition of 'variations', despite identification with 'theme'.
Yes, I've used compounds, though sparingly. I like the idea, but the shred/crush/pack synthesis sounds unwieldy to me, though I could get used to it -- a compromise while I acclimatize to the sonics.
Pleading the fifth -- yes, horribly clichéd; unfortunately, it conveyed the precise meaning i wanted in the context. But me? Unsubtle? Well, that's just bollocks. That whole segment is unsubtle I guess -- that part obviously requires a rewrite. A temporary dressing applied; I'm aiming for something less semantically explicit :>)
Pregnant -- quite right, overused, though I can't remember the last time I used the word, when writing, if ever. Gravid is fine for now, until my search delivers fruitful synonymity. 'Pregnant' was the ideal -- a term that nurtured the misconception of personal control. I imagined the narrator as subject to interminable gestation, albeit on a voluntary basis. A mess of a mother/child dichotomy
Thanks Leanne -- I'm tempted to start drinking, so that all will make perfect sense :>)

[Does the 'history' thing work?]

Laura doom -

All that struckthrough content -- is that designed to make comparisons easy? I guess that's what's meant by 'rewriting history'.

Derma Kaput -

I've looked at this a number of times. I like the current version better than the previous ones, but I really don't know what to say. It seems to need a center, or a more tightly developed concept to pull all the elements into a more dynamic tension. I don't know. So, if I don't know, maybe I should just keep my yap shut, eh? Anyway, lots of good language in here, but I'm having trouble seeing the whole picture.

Laura doom -

I guess I'm not much of an artist -- perhaps I should try it as a cartoon

Derma Kaput -

No, you're a lovely artist. And sometimes cartoons make very interesting art.

Laura doom -

True -- as do comics; for some reason, I seem to have 'inherited' a DC sub-series, #475-#478, including an issue where The Joker is wielding 'The Laughing Fish'. Maybe I should get Lori to render me in manga :>)