Through Strength And Weakness

I imagine my mother in her kitchen:
the air pungent with whetted appetites,
as she imparted her wisdom to me over
boiling water and chopped garlic;
the scents never left her hands -
shriveled husks of youth,
each wrinkle a memory.

I wanted to be everything she was:
a cook, a mother, a wife, a woman,
but I never saw beneath her eyes
how she wore her pain as easily
as she wore her smile.

Colleen -

I love the image you paint in the first stanza and I like these lines..

"as she imparted her wisdom to me over
boiling water and chopped garlic;"

and

"but I never saw beneath her eyes
how she wore her pain as easily
as she wore her smile."

I think i get what you are saying in the last two lines (especially with the title of the poem) but for me I can't quite understand it. Maybe I just need to get a cup of tea and read it again...

btw... its good to see you back here!

Jasmine Mann -

Thanks Colleen! It feels good to be writing again.

I agree the last two lines probably don't make sense. They were just kind of slapped on because I didn't want to trash everything else. Revisions will be coming soon!

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"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold

ZiGGY -
I'm with Colleen on this one, pet hate I'm afraid, the last 2 lines just seem so out of place.

Jasmine Mann -

haha So I guess two strikes for the last two lines. Do you think it would sound better if I just took them out completely?

Hmm. I will have to mess around with this one. But don't tell my husband.

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"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold

Colleen -

Hi Jasmine,

Honestly, I'm not sure. I do like what you have here. I just wasn't sure where you were going with those last 2 lines. It reads fine to me as it is now, but if there was an idea you were going for with those last 2 I think you could still develop it. Sorry, that doesn't sound too helpful huh?

I am looking forward to meeting you next week at the poetry festival.

Colleen

U668857 -

a touching homage - pertinent and economical but loaded with a hinterland of emotion. The salient detail is well chosen, and fine control of structure and tone...Rgds.,Alan.