A Crying Sham - Shakespeare's Monkeys

A Crying Sham

To sustain the 'writing' delusion.

They danced until the bleak of dawn
a fawning mass fatality
of sundae fluids passed between
one chosen and a newly born.

At noon, when all was dead and sung
the urbane myth unleashed a yawn
to complement her moaning, for
no horns were blown, though bells were wrung.

By dusk, the couple was engaged
in splitting heirs with little grace
yet no apparent issue came
to light their way as night was waged.

The mourning after [sic & tired]
prescribed the dropping of an e
and, faster than the light of speed
a worthy title was acquired.

Leanne -

Have read, have laughed, have liked, must fly... will come back when passion permits.

Aphasic -

Any reaction that saves me from sanity is welcome. May your flight be fruity.

Leanne -

No dramas at all with the words and the meter's handled pretty darn well, but here's a thought that's guaranteed to send you mad (or sane, given the effect of multiplying two negative numbers).

In S2 L2 you use "yawn" which rhymes with L1/L4 in the first stanza and kind of got me excited, thinking it was going to be a bit more of an intricate scheme (shut up about the little things that excite me). I don't suppose there's any chance you could stick an "ung" rhyme in S3 L2, and an "aged" rhyme in the last stanza? No? Well.

Aphasic -

I started out with the intention of something more intricate, but it was all I could do to drag this thing out of the fridge and poke it into some semblance of life, so I settled for what I thought might resemble an assonant inner line pseudo-rhyming format.
I may return to this when cortical activity resumes :>

Anstey -

this is really quite brilliant.

Aphasic -

Ha! Just something I threw together whilst contemplating the afterlife - but no, seriously, I couldn't have done it without an unconditional commitment to my emo phase...

Shan -

I had to read this twice it tickled my mind ever so nice!

Loved this. Have no suggestions.

-----
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Derma Kaput -

Can I just say "I like this quite a bit" and not try to respond with anything intelligent or witty? (I'm afraid the poem itself will show-up anything I might add.) Sooo...

... very nice, I like this quite a bit.

Anstey -

That's really the problem with Laura and her work, it's so damned smart and thought provoking.

Derma Kaput -

agreed (enthusiastically)

Aphasic -

@Shan - oh do please suggest something wet, as befits the sharp noodle I know you to be :>

@Derma - that's ok, you're very nice and I like you quite a bit, even when attempting to suppress your natural intelligence and wit.

@Anstey - I would respond, but I fear such impulsiveness would serve only to dispel the credibility my work derives from your benificent ascriptions.

@Derma [2] - don't push it...
*half-hearted frown*

Derma Kaput -

mea culpa.

of course, I LIVE in a universe of semi-frowns (where unmitigated praise is indeed the chiefest of bastards) so I am hardly effected by your half-hearted variety. still, to be fair, I'm reading Nietzche right now and have to admit that I felt an uncontrollable urge to say (enthusiastically) "yes!" to my pleasures - one of which is enjoyment of word-play (when it's done well) in poetic form. So, there - an unrepentant mea culpa

or is that pushing it? hell, I'm beyond caring these days.

Aphasic -

Well, I've been reading Hegel, and I'm concerned at my lack of concern in being beyond caring that others are beyond caring. Should I be? Yes, definitely not.
Excellent - another turist trade-off successfuly revisited.
I seem to have lost my place...

Derma Kaput -

sometimes (all pre-twentieth century western philosophy aside) I think losing one's place is the most rational of predilections - unreasonable as that sounds.

Aphasic -

Not at all unreasonable - it sounds discomfortingly familiar Derma :>