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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in MosquitoBytes Volume 12: Rex Deus Ressurectio - 2008-2009

Bastogne

Stigmata Diabolic

This city pushes down on me
I feel the ache of its heartless beauty
Deceiving with its sense of security

Look there
Toward the horizon
What there is of it
The sky scraper sentinels pose
Rigid simulacrums of permanency

I gaze warily around
Assailed by the staccato burst
Of corporate advertising
My instincts wanting to take cover
As memories of MG42’s resurface
Sounding like pissed off hornets
Intent on removing me from their forest

I’m nearly at the subway stairs
As a bus runs a red light
Horn blaring
Redolent of a Stuka on its run

This time
My instincts win out

I dive for the safety of the trench
Next to me
A man has done the same
His eyed filled with terror
Yet strangely resolved

I wonder why a man in is 80’s
Has wondered into this battlefield

He just winks at me
Gives a wry laugh
Gets up
And continues down the subway steps

I give an uneasy laugh

Lost in time

Bastogne

It will be with me forever

© 2008, Mosquitobyte

Anstey - on Aug. 23 2008

You almost lost me with the opening line on this, the chilled blood is not a good line. THere has to be some sort of twist to it or it's almost as pure an example of cliche as there is. And then the follow up with the aching bones -- sorry man. I can't give this a thumbs up.


Mosquitobyte - on Aug. 23 2008

he he, truth be told, I'm still trying to find a much better opening. Glad you agree!

Mos.


Mosquitobyte - on Aug. 23 2008

I think this opening is better, though still a tad cliched.

Mos.

 


Anstey - on Aug. 23 2008

Definitely better. What do you think about more of an image of an assailant holding you down with a knee? The heartless thing, I think you could improve by going more metaphorical and less expository.


Mosquitobyte - on Aug. 23 2008

hmmmm you have something there, though it's actually giving me an idea for a whole new piece rather than just tweaking this one! lol

Mos.

 


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