Kat -
To be honest, the poem isn't anything to write home about......especially compared to many others that you've posted......but the title rocks......in an advant garde, post post post modern kinda way......two negatives make a positive, right??.......[Nazis=bad]......'cause if society truly practiced eugenics, we'd eventually be back on "Planet of the Apes".......[god, how I hated those movies, except for the ending of the first one, which was friggin brilliant, what with the statue of liberty stuck in the sand]
ShannonV -
ok HONESTLY. this is rather amateurish in style and doesnt really successfully say anything. other than NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME AND THEY ALL SUCK!! which is teen angsty and cliche. if you want to make it awesome... i'd delete it all.. and build something off the first stanza, b/c that one is kind of interesting. maybe about another topic entirely.
also. is the title advocating eugenics as a solution for idiot control? hmm such a bad idea.
Mosquitobyte - I have to agree with both of you on the 'amateurish' thought, though lets face it, I'm not getting paid, so of course it's amatuerish. lol.
Having said that, the first stanza kinda poked me in the ribs and said "pssst...use me...." So I did. Alas, this was right after writing the other 2 idiot pieces... all written in the space of 10 minutes.....
I think I will do something completely outside the square for me....treat these as "concept" drafts and do complete re-writes......
*trembles at the thought of gross editing*
Mos
Mosquitobyte - In the end, every change I made seemed to make this worse, so I gave up!
Instead, I wrote 2 new ones in the last half hour after speding 3 hours trying to make better! That's it, I stick to my normal methods, even if it does produce crap like this at times. :P
Mos
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