faith, orange cats & bunnies

faith, orange cats & bunnies

1.
an orange cat
is really no different
than a candle

2.
In Manila a woman is peeling a plantain
her little boy is crying for breakfast
the morning sun is hiding behind a gray mask

the oppressive heat
mats her thick black hair
to her thin-skinned scalp

a wan smile curdles on her lips
as she hands the wretched infant
the fruit.

then glances at the face
of the old clock over the stove.

3.
the difference between a clock
and a fork is infinitesimally small
i tell you

and show you the alphabet
written out
a to z

the m and the n
almost touch

you hold your head in almost-pain
there’ll be tine enough to cry later

4.
a beet is nothing like an orange cat

5.
my mother started dying her hair
when she was only sixteen-years-old

a thick stripe of white sprang forth

a mark of God’s love,
and the hard years ahead

i think

6.
under my pillow
i hold a filth-muted quarter
once the same minty refreshing silver
that every other new quarter is

i rub it
between my fingers
helping it
methodically traipse enlightenment
like a metal moth

until everything burns
away to sleep

7.
God does not wear moccasins
this is not a joke
this is a fact

Prophets are not needed
to reveal every truth about God

Priests are not needed
to interject in every
holy conversation.

8.
God and goats
are different
you can tell
because we capitalize God.

9.
an orange cat licks his paws
then wipes them behind his ears
mite he
be itchy
mighty
mitey
itchy?

an orange cat dreams
of what i do not know

but not mites
not itching

This is not a joke
This is a fact

Orange cats are not needed
to explain every dream cats

Sometimes,
it is enough to watch.

10.
In Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
             there is sand

But no gold,
except where the sunlight
reflects on the pacific

In the cool of her kitchen,
just out of the noonday sun
a beautiful woman smears vegemite
across a toasted bit of white bread

Places it on a paper plate
with 2 raw carrots
and a small box of juice.

“just for you Elizabeth,”
she kisses the tiny angel on her forehead.

Elizabeth’s ruby lips crack
a smile

then a carrot.

11.
my grandmother wore a half karat ruby
on her right ring finger for the last ten years of her life.

we never spoke of rubies

each night,
she would remove the ring
and place it on a small china plate
covered in pink flowers
along with all her other rings

except her wedding band

which remains on her hand
to this day.

12.
my grandmother never had an orange cat

but,
when my mother was a young girl
she had a large grey and white Persian
cleverly named Fluffy
(this was a joke)

After Fluffy died,
my grandmother’s hands,
without the ruby,
carefully crafted ceramic
into his shape
then painted him.

Fluffy lives in my attic.
Nana,
in my heart.

The orange cat knows only Fluffy.

13.
In the news
a politician explains the inexplicable
and his mad sycophants cheer wildly

This is not hope
This is not joy
This is not real.

This is the passion of the dead
as they breathe away their life
in a hurricane of fear and doubt

These are the thoughts of the dead
as their heart beats mask their apathy
the grave
the grave
the grave

oh God, you sweet and capitalized creature,
save me, save me, save me

14.
an orange cat kneads my shoulder
with his sharp claws
he touches his nose to my cheek

an orange cat is not God
but i am saved.

15.
Oats.
Corn.
Rice.

These are the cereals that make cereal
but without sugar,
verily i say to you
they are nothing

my teeth will not rot without the sugar.

Yes, I know they are for breakfast
but still, i will have them now for dinner.

16.
my mother eats oatmeal
with brown sugar
with light cream
with white sugar
with butter
with milk

the lumps dance her tongue
like a joyous tango

she remembers her mother then
and i think,
for a moment, the three of us
are together on a sunny morning

the coffee is percolating
and we say nothing
as we listen to the tiny waves
lap the rocky short of that cold
cold lake.

17.
an orange cat
is not a bunny
the ears are different

18.
my grandmother had lung cancer
(the greatest fear of her life)
for 6 weeks
before she died
of a stroke.

God has a sense of humor.

19.
As long as there are platypi
i will believe
there is hope.

20.
3 a.m. on the Ganges
the river flows by silently

upstream

The only orange cat
weighs more than 150 kilos

chews on the bones of a Chinese man
no one remembers

21.
in my hutch,
is my great grandmother’s china

the tiny yellow tea roses
circling beneath a ring of gold

she was buried in the cold earth
almost 30 years ago

a ring of golden roses
upon her polished oak casket
with a card signed, "Nana, we love you"

22.
Nana Durgin died
years before
we buried her

Her mind slowly slipped away
until
each of us
was less than a ghost

i cling to the dishes in my hutch
to remember her love.

23.
Nana Durgin smelled of Canada Mints
and, towards the end,
urine

24.
her daughter phyllis
smelled of antiseptic the day she died.

25.
her son-in-law walter
smelled of Canada Mints
the last time i kissed him

26.
I sat above Bourbon street
drinking hurricanes

and eating alligator
with my children

the soft mush
of reptile flesh
between my teeth
tasted of chicken

we laughed
(all of us except the alligator)

27.
an orange cat
is like an alligator
with a furry belly
and fewer teeth

28.
my grandfather asked me about my orange cat
then laughed when I told him how
the cat was waiting for him at home
carefully keeping his pillow warm

29.
my grandfather took his teeth out
each night and put them in a cup
to disinfect

he’d chew the nothing
left between his gums
and suck a pink Canada Mint
until he faded off to sleep

30.
even with just gums
alligator meat would chew right down
to fill an empty belly.

31.
an orange cat
does not necessarily know what to do
with a mouse
sharp claws
sharp teeth

but no clue
no damned clue at all
so i toss the squealing rodent out into the cold.

a slow death
because an orange cat
is not cruel enough.

32.
the orange of an eclipse
seems to paint every thought in my head
for the last month

like a bad sermon
from a priest who won’t argue after.

33.
In Vienna,
            it is midnight.

After a night dancing with a beautiful boy
and drinking strong Austrian beer,

a brunette counts the last jingles of her cash,

holds the blaring buzz between her ears with both hands
and imagines herself
in her mother’s garden

Hopping around like the March hare.

34.
a bunny hopped past in my backyard
over the rubble of old fence
behind the neighbor’s garage

dozens of wild cats stalk the neighborhood
many spend their days huddled against
those cinder blocks.

i’ve never seen the bunny again.

35.
my orange cat watches out the window
meowing under his breath
whenever he sees freedom

freedom

that’s all he wants

36.
I find the body of one of the feral cats
at the end of my driveway furthest from the road

he is emaciated, and seems to have died
from exposure and hunger.

freedom

that’s all he had.

37.
a retired teacher in Oregon
rubs his hands
to soothe his aching knuckles.

It is too painful to write another verse,
so he closes his eyes

to remember.

He hums Sinatra,
but the last flight to the moon has left

38.
My mother sang loudly
in our Oldsmobile station wagon

Never so loudly before
Never so loudly since

every song
was loud then

39.
my father doesn’t speak
of the day he dove into that murky pond
to pull out the body of a boy my age

or of how he dives no more.

40.
my father laughs about
his days in a submarine
as if it were a joke book with a thousand pages

every dive cataloged in his mind
not by date, but by the love of life
he felt right then

41.
when he returned
he drank too much

perhaps to forget
the nuclear warheads
he dove with

my mother told him to stop
and he did.

42.
if there was ever a perfect year
i think perhaps it was 1967

the red sox won the pennant
and to this day,

everyone i know
who was here
and there

smiles with such joy
when they talk of it
when they talk of those men
doing that thing

I think, perhaps
it was God.

43.
God is not
an orange cat

... i don’t think.

44.
i once held a bunny
for five minutes
neither he
nor i
moved

we
just
waited.

45.
i do not care
for the smell
of rabbit shit
or cat piss

this is not a joke.

46.
my sisters wore identical dresses to everything
for at least a decade

none of us speak of those days

47.
for that same decade
my sisters had no names
they were simply: the girls.

48.
we had no orange cat
only an ez bake oven
and ginny dolls

that my sisters were not allowed to play with
because they were too valuable.

if we’d had an orange cat
i think they’d have played with it

49.
for a moment
when the eclipse was almost full
i thought how
the orange was perfect

it was not darkness
it was not light

it was not the devil or God

it was not
a cat
it was orange
far away

50.
Further than Minneapolis,
a graying man with long hair

Puffs his cigarette,
idly fingers his beard,

And chases a beer
with orange juice

on the west coast of stale.

51.
my mother likes the pulp in her orange juice
my wife does not

i wonder
if my cat
is glad
there is pulp in him

thick
muscled
pulp

52.
cats do not care about orange juice
even orange cats

nor do they care about pulp.
i asked.
(this is a joke)

53.
Bukowski hated that he came
from the end his father’s stupid penis

this is a fact

three oranges, is cheap for love
i think

but not for sex.

Bukowski’s father was wrong about that.

54.
corn? oats? wheat? I don’t know
what rabbit pellets are made from

cats, even orange ones,
don’t eat rabbit food

this is a fact

55.
in Rockhill,
a woman pauses for a silent prayer

55.
every morning my orange cat
wakes my wife
by gently patting her
as he purrs loudly in her ear
this is not love

56.
if I am awake
and try to feed him
he will not eat the food
until she comes down
to stir it

57.
God will not bless things as well for me
as he will for her.

She is a better Catholic than I
particularly
since I am not Catholic.

58.
Orange cats can tell
when food has been properly blessed.

59.
Bunnies have floppy ears
I don’t know if they can hear blessings
better than cats.

60.
if you light a candle with a match
or a lighter  (it doesn’t matter)
eventually it goes away

cats are the same. (even orange ones)