Milk and Honey - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Milk and Honey

MILK & HONEY for ' The Ghost of Tom Joad ' by Springsteen

My Thanks to Poet: `Connery , who inspired this work

Milk and Honey

Smoking the last of a $10.00 cigar
I wander down the road
With no turning back

Already gone is my reasoning mind
All I got left is in a duffel bag

Lost my job
Lost my wife
Lost my judgement too

Repossessed my truck
The other day

Saved my gun
Just in case
That is all I'll say

Still enjoy this cigar
And this afternoon

Round the bend
Up ahead
Is unknown to me

The world rotates on its axis

Never wanted nothing
And I don't know why

Refused a helping hand
That was offered me

Didn't see progress
Only felt results

This was never the plan

Defect in character

Must be my fault
Now I'm lost in thought

I wonder where I am

Somewhere up ahead
Is the promised land

Some of us
Will make it
I suppose.

by davidleefinley

Author's Comments:
"Connery had an idea to get me out of my writing slump after the death of my seventeen year old cat (a few days back). He offered: If you'd like to become, inspired: Listen to 'Ghost of Tom Joad' by Springsteen, then write something that comes to mind after reading the lyrics or listening to the song. This poem is that result. He must have known that anyone who can get lost in poetry, can get lost in music too! Wise Man - Check out his work. -David"

Comments

Anstey -

I very much like the idea of this, and the general feel is reminiscent of the beat. However, I think their a faux-sparseness that isnt' working or me. There are many places where you could cut back to strengthen and tighten the piece, and I think some lost opportunities for allussions to intensify the title, or the homage to the era to which this seems to pine.

Smoking the last of a $10.00 cigar
Wandering down the road

I think you want to make wander active. "I wander" and just as a point here, wander down the road is a bit common, you've clearly got a sharp vocab and great image you're trying to build here. I would really love to see you use a sharper verb there.

With no turning back

Why not? Is this even necessary?

Already gone is my reasoning mind

This is, seemingly to me, redundant to the line later in this very stanza regarding your lost judgement. While they're not exactly the same thing, they're close enough that it felt unnecessarily repetitive to me.

All I got left in a duffel bag
Lost my job
Lost my wife
Lost my judgement too

I don't thiink you need the repetition of 'lost my.' You could, i suppose list them with the 'my' or more horizontally 'Lost my job, wife and judgement'

Reposessed my truck

I like this a lot.

Just the other day

I'd get rid of the 'just'

Saved my gun
Just in case
That is all I'll say

I feel like either the 'that's all i'll say' or the 'just in case' should be in parens as an aside. I think the accentuation would make it much sharper. That's definitely a nice place to start as you move this piece forward.

Regardless, I don't mean to bore you with my suggestions. I just wanted to offer a little different way you could go with this.

Great to have you David!