Latter-day lovers - Shakespeare's Monkeys

latter-day lovers

he stands up a little too fast,
trips over his shoes
(they are too big)
scratches the side of his temple.
"you ever get used to sleeping alone?"

clock an hour fast since yesterday,
another thing to be fixed and re-wired,
i shrug. not much for embellishing
blushed cheeks or surprise these days.
"why? you wanna stay over?"

rising from the bed, i walk over to him,
tugging the bottle of bourbon from his stick fingers
i harsh back a swallow annihilating the ever-human reluctance of candid motions.
he turns up a lip, a familiar horny/anxious grin, "yeah."

now used to this charade of immoral therapy,
telling him to weigh his options while opening my legs
he walks over to the mattress and pulls down the covers
already imbued with that sour smell of bodies.

sweet-nothings are not whispered
as we undress ourselves and dim the lights.
the uniformity of our skins in contact a sad yet comforting thing.

at the risk of being predictable,
we do not fuck tonight.
"i want to be in love" he says
with his dick in my hands.

lying at my breast,
he rolls over.

he does not touch me while he sleeps.

Anstey -
This gets stronger as it goes. I think the end is very well done. The use of the itals worked for me. I think S2 and 3 could use a bit of cutting back. The last three lines i really like, especially the double meaning of the word Lying in that sense.

Emeya -

i harsh back a swallow annihilating the ever-human reluctance of candid motions. -- This line seems a little long to me. Maybe there is a point where you can break it into two lines or maybe just try shortening it.

And that's the only thing that caught my eye. I think the phrase "sour smell of bodies" really drove the whole grasping of the poem home to me, and then the ending is, as Anstey says, incredible. This is an example of being human, and I think that is something poetry can express better than any other art sometimes. You've utilized it well.

~Emeya

Rws -

This has a powerfully miserable 'feel' to it, very reminiscent of two indifferent animals mating because they have nothing better to do. I can't imagine a complete lack of happiness/enjoyment being portrayed more directly and with less tenderness.

Well done.

Bill