Nothing profound in my cooler, pass a beer

nothing profound in my cooler, pass a beer

draft

what monsters eat and bop and sneeze
ponder numbers as they please
greet each year and then retreat
back into the holes from wence they weep
I can't tell you e'er i sleep, only that their evil seems
to come with something close to practiced ease
like a formal prayer said from calloused knees
i'm sorry but those monsters aren't for me

what rabis teach and priests all know
isn't fair or just and so it's off and off and off I go
to find a truer truth and though the likelihood is low
i'll still go. and go and go and go, i know i know
I know and so, and so and so... i'll go.

what angels shred and cry and dream
disturb the babies as they please
wave goodbye each day it seems
as they fly back to from whence i weep
there is no rest in my dead sleep, where only evil seeps
from their vicious wings like motor grease
i have no prayers to offer-scream, at least none i deem
worthy of two scraped knees, i'm sorry but those angels
aren't for me.

what white trash teach and assholes know
it isn't right, but still, it's so off and off and off although
perhaps it's truer truth we know the likelihood doesn't seem so low
and so i'll go, and go and go, i know i know
i know and so, and so and so.. i'll go

Oldagyz -

ends well, dont agree with the sentiment, had philosophical argument to the contrary have forgotten (probably whilst taking a crap knowing me), could say its a bit slo-slo-slo-sloppy but works for me (as Ive already said, ends well)

it is 5:30 am though i guess lol, btw Leanne has told me never to comment on poems again cause ima retard :x so any advice on how i should approach criticising poems when i have little to no techincal expertise is probably gonna make a more interesting conversation than you tearing into me :x (though feel free I like abuse )

infact id like to reiterate right here that this poem worked for me (and the details youll have to read back for :P)

Anstey -
Leanne likes to remind us that we're retards. She's right, we're wrong. It's really very simple. But she also likes us to go against her orders so she can be snippy with us. So please, comment away.

THEN i get the joy of watching her rip you too. It's lonely being a retard alone.

Rene' -

In stanza 1, L3, you could lose the 'of' as in 'holes from wence', the mind seems to trip over it a bit. I read it several times to be sure before I made the suggestion. Your rhyme is smooth and muted in quite a few places which made for an interesting read. My only real question comes with the last stanza and the one extremely long line in it. Could you shorten it any without losing your meaning there?

ex; perhaps it's truer truth we know, the likelihood doesn't seem so low -

Just a thought!

----- just wandering the maze of hallways in my bent mind!

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!