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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in Jasmine's Poetry

Red

on a swing,
on a porch,
on a sunday afternoon,
swinging her legs
she said, "momma,
daddy ain't comin' home".

and they came with black
coats, solemn faces
gave her a letter,
said he was dead;

that they found his
red on the ground and
he died bravely for
their freedom.

momma sank to her knees,
clutched the letter to
her chest
screamed, "baby, no
no, no, no, daddy,
i can't see him, lord,
he's gone, no,
he's coming home
in a bag".

on a swing,
on a porch,
on a sunday afternoon,
she swings her legs,

clutches the letter
to her chest
where she found
her red,
says, "momma
can you see daddy?

momma

can you see him now?"

Rene - on Dec. 20 2007

Really well done here. I have a few suggestions, mostly for flow. S2L3, drop 'gave her' and then in L4 change 'said' to 'saying'; S3L1, drop 'that',L2 drop 'and'; Then I could see combining Stanzas 5 and 6 into one stanza to mirror the beginning stanza. The ending is awesome! 

 

----- Rene'




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