She Said - Shakespeare's Monkeys

She Said

for a very dear girl...

She said she wants to be

a tomato, I asked what kind,

she didn’t know the difference.

As she bounced down the hallway,

I did a slow stroll, amazed at her

effervescent energy,

I imagined her as a perfectly formed

cherry tomato,

petite, sweet, but that didn’t

last because she would

be too vulnerable in that form and

a giant might eat her.

I would miss her then.

I imagined her as a large, hearty

beefsteak variety instead, filled with different

cells in which to store immense

amounts of information. Pale pink walls

lining her interior, packed with dainty

green seeds just waiting to be

planted. Her knowledge could grow

in so many different places

as she deposited bits and pieces of

herself in every footprint that she

left in the world.

I sliced the top off of her

just so I could peer deep inside her interior

looking for what I needed to

fill my own empty spaces,

she bled love into my heart

without asking

anything in return.

I decided she would make a

wonderfully rich tomato.

Comments

Alcuin of York -
Hmmm...beefsteak tomatoes are mostly water, and not nearly as tasty as cherry tomatoes. However, back to the poem.

Interesting metaphor, carried consistently and thoroughly from start to finish. The "sliced" and "bled" in the next-to-last stanza seems rather harsh for the otherwise tender theme, but it does carry emotional impact: It made me feel almost squeamish. The "in which to store" works OK, but I think "that would hold" would work better; the change would eliminate the iambs, but they're not consistent in the piece anyway.

Overall, I enjoyed this. Its images and voice are commonplace and conversational, but the message has heart and depth.

Alcuin

Rene -

Thank you for your input my friend. This came from the contents of a poem that my young friend wrote for her poetry portfolio final. She had read my final poem "I Am (not)" in which I refuse to be a regular flower. She went from that to being a tomato. Our close connection led us to the professors office together yesterday and from there I decided to write a poem about her being a tomato!

----- Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!