Alte Welle - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Alte Welle

Tödliche Liebe

Swallow all my kisses
Take me from my home

What does this mean
No love
No love with peace
She caved me in

Before I
Can be a sorrow cloud
Let me cry out
Like a rusted scar

Now
Hear it out
Over caffeine
Choose your demon

When you've stepped out
Like a restless season
Tearing out the screams
From dogs
In imaginary scenes
Of love
Where we drown
In a cold and lonely wind
Together again

Are we the face
Of sacrificial lies
Compassion's heart
Carved with barbed wire

Tonight
No-one to hear me shout
Embraced by arms
That will not let me out

But she calls to him

Take the waves
Across the ancient walls
Let them cry out
Through your rusted scar

They all know who you are

We don't know where we are

Tell me who we are

Leanne -

I like this enormously. You carry your symbols through well -- I particularly like "like a rusted scar" and "carved with barbed wire". There are sharp edges, but they're brittle. Later in the poem you say "through your rusted scar" and I'm wondering if the repetition is a little too obtrusive -- what would you think of "through your scar-rust" or some such?

Personally I'd place a few of the line breaks differently, but that's such an individual choice I'd hesitate to suggest changes.

Mosquitobyte -
Thanks Leanne, appreciate the comments. Hope you could cleary discern the change of stylre from Early Bytes to this.

Leanne -
This is much more experienced work -- life does that, I suppose. I definitely enjoyed flicking through your early stuff, but THIS is what I want to read more of.

Mosquitobyte -
He he, you'll have to hold your breath a bit, I've been quiet on the writing front and feel that much can be learned by posting "ancient' pieces to reinvigorate the mind.

Leanne -

I hear you. Now if only I had a mind to invigorate, all would be well...

Good poetry is worth waiting for.