Reaching for a place to pivot - Shakespeare's Monkeys

reaching for a place to pivot

tell me again, love
how you would mouth
my most private parts
until there is no
suffering left to utter

i've been so long
with my heels dug into
constant assemblage
of scar to tissue

intimacy colors
itself in bruises
and cobblestones at
the back of my throat

tell me again, love
how you would tongue-tie
violets faintly upon
my most secret folds
until there is no more
bone egded barrier and

my everflexed breath
burns red to run riot
about your aching contours
that steady me free

harbor me seamless within
your subtle afterlight and
copper strings of verity
so that we two may lean

Alcuin of York -
An interesting title, making me ponder. Good choice.

In S1L4, the "there is" dilutes the effectiveness of the line. Generally, "there is, there are" etc. should be avoided in poetry. Also, I don't think S2 has the power it should. I feel like it and S3 should be one stanza. In S3, what do you think about eliminating the "at", turning the "cobblestone" into a verb?

Finally, I thought S4 by far the best. (BTW, "edged" has a typo.) It echoes S1, but with more passion.

Alcuin

Mosquitobyte -

It's been a while since I've read your private parts, and this is a welcome return for me. The multitude of meanings are not of course, going to be apparent to all. Many will see private parts as the over simplified, overused term for genitalia, ignoring that the most private parts of a person are in their mind. Whilst the double entendre is no doubt intentional, i belive the mind is indeed the chief subject matter of this piece.

Fabulous and it rolls of the tongue well, he he he....ahem....

Glad to be back reading you, even if you do sound like a Canadian!

Someday In May -

Canadian eh? I don't get it. Not many canadians say "ya'll", but if you insist...

U668857 -
This is wonderfully sensuous and sensual. That refrain - "tell me again, love" - is very effective in its direct address and the way it highlights the need for affirmation; if anything, it's under-used. I like how the peaks of heightened emotion intensify into alliteration and assonance -

"bone egded barrier and

my everflexed breath burns red to run riot about your aching contours".

This weave of consonantal and vowel repetition is both intricate and fluid.

I stumble at "copper strings of verity" but maybe I've missed something. Accomplished writing...Rgds.,Alan.