Expanses - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Expanses

Prison walls

with a fresco sunset:

The walls are

psychic; the expanse

is a flat mirror.

And the bar is the only bar,

the home the only home,

The skinnier roads

lead to a place

that narrows

into a fine

point.

We see a straight line disappear into the horizon and assume

that it shall always be straight,

Unless

we follow and see

It accommodates rocks and rolling ground,

blasts off into jagged cliff

faces, and hits the ocean and

disperses like dye.

The blanket sky

Enveloping us gently

But

When other objects share

the ground,

then

She shows her might by floating miles

above man's feeble turrets.

The walls are psychic;

the expanse is a flat mirror.

And the bar is the only bar,

the home the only home,

The skinnier roads

lead to a place

that narrows

into a fine

point.

From the bar stool,

the lines are still straight,

god's firmament envelops us,

and we sleep

content with our

known proportions.

1- Alcuin of York on Sep. 28 2007

I'm not sure what to say. The concept is fresh and interesting, though descriptions of paintings & such have been done before. However, and ironically (given that it's about a painted scene), you spend most of the time telling us rather than showing us. You use a lot of simple present tense ("roads lead...we see...accommodates"), which is OK, but then switch to "blanket sky enveloping". Also, I think it should be "narrows to", rather than "into". The final stanza, I guess is supposed to show it's only a drunken vision, but I feel it's less effective because the preceding lines are surrealistic in the parade of images, but not in the writing style. This mismatch of subject and style is, I think, the weakest aspect.

Alcuin

2- Limeymcfrog on Oct. 2 2007

Alcuin of York: I think the biggest flaw is simply that the meaning is opaque, based on your difficulty in understanding my concept. I take that as a flaw on my part, though I don't know exactly what to do to fix it. The poem is not at all intended to be about a painting, though one could certainly not blame you since I begin the poem saying it is a fresco on a prison wall... I would invite you to read it again with the knowledge that the landscape is real, and referring to it as a painting on a prison wall is the metaphor. See if that helps.

3- Celticlion on May 19 2008

I read this piece yesterday and wanted time to absorb it before commenting. I did not read it as a poem about a painting at all. It struck me as being about a real landscape and an existential landscape both running parallel and diverging from one another at times, depending on varying elements within the frame of reference. The abstractions warping out from specific tangible "reality" felt cohesive- but perhaps this is because I experience what you have captured in this poem, so it makes sense to me. I particularly like the out of body sensation I felt during the more abstract parts of the poem. It intrigued me how you had accomplished that through the arrangement of certain words. A fascinating poem...C

4- Limeymcfrog on May 20 2008

Thank you for commenting on this poem. I (rather snobbishly) think this is one of my best pieces and a bit unappreciated though certainly not easily understood.

I suppose it would best to explain it a bit. I think you have the right idea with the space being an inner space as well as an outer. That's certainly the idea at play.

My inspiration for the poem came from my wife's family and friends in North Dakota. My wife talks so much about the sky out there, and I began to think about the flat landscapes out there. How if you never went anywhere, how you might see the landscape as a kind of fresco painting. You think the road keeps going, but who knows? She also talked about how close the sky felt out there as if it were right on top of you and to me it all felt so strangely comforting and oppressive at the same time. So that's the feeling I'm trying to convey.

If there's something obvious that I'm not getting accross, maybe I could toy with it, but only a bit. I really love it the way it is.

5- Celticlion on May 20 2008

I agree with you. I wouldn't change a thing in it. I especially love the repeating refrain, "the home is the only home" as though we are somehow tethered spiritually and in other intangible ways despite our travels. I also love how the mirror is made opaque, as if we must look elsewhere for reflection (the sky, etc) and though the previous reviewer said something about "paths" being a less desirable choice for having been used- I think that holds water only if it is not being used in a fresh and inventive way (everything's been said, done and used, afterall)....I look forward to reading more of your work....C