Caress - Shakespeare's Monkeys

caress

tonight I'll write of sadness
hiding in lines of books
I share my bed with

sadness, whose hands
reach from printed words
to caress my face and hair

drift through
musical harmonies
to whisper secrets in my ears

sadness that lies folded
in a faded shirt
casual softness draping
my shoulders, breasts
and stomach, slowly tracing
the curve of my neck
and spine

sadness, whose gentle touch
is always there

the one I rest my head upon
and sleep

Alcuin of York -

It's difficult knowing who the one is - God? Ex? Traveling mate? I think leaving it ambiguous makes the poem more interesting, but in some places the mystery is a bit too confusing.

I think the last two lines of S3 should be put at the end of S4. The dance metaphor could be applied differently. Dancing and caressing are quite different motions.

I also think "music's" should be "music". The stanza needs some rewriting anyway, and "music's notes" sounds out with difficulty; and "music notes" is fairly redundant. Perhaps something like, "...my music, floating in the melody..." etc.

I found the piece interesting.

Alcuin

Callooh -

thank you. have tried to improve it with editing.

really it's junk, believe my muse has run off with another writer....

Anstey -
There are many who would be sooo happy to have a part time muse as good as yours.
-----

stephan

Callooh -

nah - he's a bastard. wrote about him once...

thanks for the kind thoughts Stephen!

Norm milliken -

...as for the mystery and confusion, give me a mysterious, unfathomable woman anytime.