More in Only In The Eyes of the Beholder
Low Flyer
A Grey Heron flies low hunting.....
Winsome wisps of essence form
A translucent image
Painted on a summer sky
Awaiting a random sortie
Flying low and graceful
Across the quiet waters
Hunting for a place to rest
To watch the ever present
Abundance of life
And sate the ongoing desire
To Ravenously devour its watery cuisine
Wistful dreams of the perfect place,
The quest for more,
Drives the wanton need
To take the flesh and consume it whole
Flush with passionate hunger
Lest the slimy prey escapes
And forces the restless predator
To find another adventure
- Zealy, Kee - being an ex auditor and DBA any other names are unprintable
on Aug. 23 2007
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1- Anstey
on Aug. 23 2007
I absolutely love the image, but there are a couple of lines that drag it down I think, there's a graceful style to the whole of this, but in places I think maybe it's a tad overwrought.
Line one specifically. What is a "winsome wisp of essence" - honestly, that left me scratching my head a bit.
I love the militiristic 'sortie' in relation to the heron's flight. Fantastic that.
I am a fan of the word "plethora" but in this case, I am not sure it fits right. The meaning is absolutely perfect, but just that particular word in this particular poem, it just lept out a bit, and not in the good way (e.g. Sortie)
Ravenously is another word that lept out as overmuch.
I am a touch uncomfortable with wanton need... it just feels.. novice to me. Not that I wouldn't use it, I'm just tossing a red flag up so you can think about it and decide if it's asolutely perfect here or not.
Seriously James, great stuff.
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