
NOpe, But I'll help you.
I'll create a personal space for you to post your stuff as you see fit.
Welcome aboard!
fondly
stephan
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- stephan

Alan, many welcomes! I'm suspecting that small accent differences are causing the problems I have with the meter here, since it's always on lines with words that can be drawn out more than I would do. So, I'm not worried... except for S1, L2, which keeps bugging me for being too long and I'd suggest getting rid of "those". The caesura allows the grammar to work despite dropping a word. Actually, S3 L3 gives me the same problem, how does it work for you if you change "springing" to "spring"? But all things considered, this is a really enjoyable read.

Anstey: yeah--I tend to write sonnet-derivative pieces - to give them a modern feel....but yes....essentially a sonnet ....Cheers, Alan.

Leanne: Ah excellent....much obliged Leanne. Yes...I'm going to take out the "those" - lucky enough (as you say) the caesura is fortuitously placed. That "springing" I originally had as "sprung". I changed it thinking "springing" restored the iambic meter. But maybe I should change it back....Now...just gotta figure out what the protocol is on this site for editing and re-posting...I guess I just edit it within my personal area again...or something like that ! BRgds., Alan.

If you just go into the "edit" section at the top of the page, you'll be set -- once done, it will actually allow you to view previous versions (if you want to). If you're keen to repost rather than leaving it where it is, just "unpublish" it and "publish" it again, which moves it to the top of the queue.