CH-47 Chinook crashes in rescue attempt. sixteen die.

CH-47 Chinook crashes in rescue attempt.
sixteen die.

memory sleeps
beneath time’s blanket,
closes its eyes,
and disappears in dream.

life is leveled, edges beveled
smooth and regular.
days pass.

thirty-seven years later
a helicopter is shot down
in Afghanistan.

men are lost

and fear chokes me
again, high above hills and jungle,
taking fire from below,
a Chinook just like theirs,
frantic to fly
away.

Anstey -
Wonderful to see your stuff here Norm. I particularly like the assonance in S1 and S2. I realize it's a small detail, but i thinkt he line 'men are lost' would have more impact if you added the specific number. (Something I generally love about your writing is that you do offer such specific detail, probably why i noticed it in this case) Then again, i can understand teh argument for the tersity here being a statement as well.
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stephan

Shannon McEwen -
First of all this is good, the impact is ery powerful. I think what you write in the comments, about the 16 dying should be worked into the poem, the impact would be even greater.

I LOVE stanza 2, it's perfect. And says so much about life.

I look forward to reading more.
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Norm -

I specifically didn't mention numbers because that's what the government always does, as though small numbers are okay somehow. And men being lost doesn't always have to do with death. As far as life being what happens while you wait for great things, I haven't waited for 'great things' since 1969. Life for me is little things.

Shannon McEwen -
That's what my signature means. That the great things don't mean anything, it's what happens day to day that counts.

I can see your point on the numbers, but you could emphasize that 16 may seem negligable, but it's a great loss. But maybe that's another poem!

Regardless, the poem is good.
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Anstey -
Ahh, That's great Norm. THanks for the clarification. When you say that, it becomes clear to me the reason behind it, and I do see how the tersity has that effect.
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stephan