Jen - Stephan,
I have a manipulative sister and this really hits home. I don't know want to impose my thoughts about my sister on your sister but I feel like you might be holding back how you really feel.
Anstey - I love the strong moon imagery here, particularly the first 2 stanzas. I don't quite know what to make of the last stanza. I do like the double use of the homophone mourning in S4. I think some of the specific meaning of the metaphor is lost on me. I'll read again, and try to pick it up.
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- stephan
Babymoon - *sigh* I don't like that last stanza. It evades me, and refuses to be captured the way I want it to be. That's one reason why I mentioned this is still very new and not close to being done. Since it has been so painfully difficult to get the words out, I wanted to make sure what was said so far sounded decent. Well, minus that last part 
This has a bit of a double meaning, but I don't have the intention for anyone or everyone to totally get that. My sister-my real blood sister- whom I used to be close to, it does feel like she has decieved me. In part, it's a play on that. The "real" meaning behind is about the moon-the moon that controls our cycles and even our births at times. I've been having baby cravings and last week was a bit pissed off about not being pregnant. This was the start of my rant at the time. I like it, so far, so I am going with those feelings.
White_Feather - Powerful. The crimson sea. I can really feel what's going on in this poem, and it's beautiful. My only suggestion would be to remove the random capitalizations . . .
Alcuin of York - This is rather mysterious, but I suspect in unintended ways. Many of the lines can be combined in dual ways. For example, in S2 the 2nd line can be thought of as continuing the 1st line (part of same phrase) or not. Similarly, in S4 a comma could be inferred after “come”, or not. Either way the sentences work, though the meanings are different. I’ve used the technique of such dual interpretations, but I don’t know if you intended them. If not, you might want to consider clarifying them with punctuation.
S1L1 is an example of this: Did you mean she “...raises / skirts...”? or did you mean “...rises, / skirts...”? “Veils shattering” is unusual. I did not like it at first reading, but now I find it intriguing.
S2L4: You might consider “unfulfilled” in place of “yet to be”, which I find a bit artificial sounding. S3: “Disappointing relief”? No comprendo” Finally, in S5, I would replace “only” with “merely”
I think overall this is good. It drew me in, intrigued me increasingly with each reading. The vagueness of the last stanza does border on indecipherable. Keep in mind that the ultimate purpose of poetry is to communicate – not necessarily thoughts or ideas, but maybe just sounds, or feelings or whatever. Perhaps another stanza just ahead of the last one, to hint your meaning, might improve it. I admire your attention and care.
Alcuin
Babymoon - Sorry...I read this the other day, but have not had the opportunity to give it the full attention it deserves.
Alcuin, I completely get what you mean by no punctuation resulting in potential double meanings. Great suggestion!! I will definitely get those added in and hopefully clear up the meaning a bit.
"disappointing relief"... have you ever wanted something, but then also known it was not necessarily for the best?? So that when you did not receive it, you were relieved but disappointed at the same time?? Also, the fact that you are a bit relieved is disappointing in itself.
Merely...I really like that 
Thanks!!
White_Feather - Beautiful! I'd just take out most of the punctuation, unless you think it's necessary in one place or another to keep the imagery clear.
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