Lost and found - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Lost and found

NEEDS SERIOUS WORK

The crooked oak
With crooked arms
And a crooked smile

Almost hidden
Smothered
By Proud
Coniferous

And that one leaf
Hangs
Dangles
Clutches on
Refuses to le go

But alas it must
Without ceremony
Silent descent

Reminiscent of the silent drops
Once upon a time
Down her soft cheek

1- Alcuin of York on May 31 2007

Shannon,
You're really not going to like what I'm going to say. I rarely give this advice, but drop this one. You had too many themes in your head at one time while you were composing this. I would use the delete button and then move on. there's a lot more poetry in you, so you won't be losing amything.
Alcuin

2- Leanne on May 31 2007

Shan... I have to agree. Your language is inconsistent and it just doesn't flow smoothly from one idea to the next. HOWEVER, instead of just hitting delete, have you considered turning this into a series of haiku? Take the ideas and the basic words and twist them a little -- and in a haiku series it's not going to matter if you're introducing a few different thoughts, because technically you've got different poems.

3- Jen on May 31 2007

Don't delete it without trying to re-arrange it. Here are a few ideas to tinker with.

Hope this helps

The crooked oak
Hangs
Dangles
Clutches on
With crooked arms

Almost hidden
Smothered
By Proud
Coniferous
And smiles a crooked smile

One leaf
Refuses to let go
But it must
Without ceremony
Silently droping down

Down her crooked cheek