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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in Shan's Crap (Shannon McEwen)

It's a good thing he's cute

The early morning sun peeks
Into the windows
Sees the chaos
The four year old boy
With toys and potato chips
littering the living room floor
Singing along to Sponge Bob
As he squishes the cat

And decides to hide
Behind the biggest
Plumpest
Wettest cloud
To wait for the thunder

1- Alcuin of York on May 19 2007

Let's get the bad-bads out of the way. I think the L1 end word should be "peeks", n'est pas? Also, there's no reason to capitalize the beginning of each line. It was once a custom, and usually doesn't affect quality, but this poem is meant to be read as something informal and natural. The capitals make it too formal. Finally, I think the "bob" in Sponge Bob needs capitalization.
I normally regard writes about "my cute child" as sentimental - and they usually are. You've avoided this by displaying his faults in a fairly neutral voice, giving us more of the tolerant loving mother than the teary-eyed mother. Also, you've gathered a lot of surrounding imagery to give us a sense of his activities - squished cat, potato chips, etc. You're letting us fill in the blanks, and that makes this poem a cut-and-a-half above most other such poems.
Alcuin

2- White_Feather on May 19 2007

Reality!  I love this poem because it effectively captures the instant that all parents know . . . when they walk into that room and the thunder wells up (followed by the wind storm that has to clean it).  The title pulls it all together, actually, because it IS a good thing they're cute.  And in fact, it is cute . . . when it's someone elses child, or a memory. 

3- Kath on May 20 2007

I love the sun (son?) in this poem. The equivalence--the hiding is stated in the outer world...the little boy might try hiding as well before mother thunder speaks...hee hee.. I like the subtle suggestiveness.

Shannon McEwen

avatar
on May 19 2007
from Canada

Sharp like a wet noodle
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