Pinch Me - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Pinch Me

Avoiding the shadows
Just barely
On the cusp of daylight

I look down at your face
Your hands clasped
In vague remembrance
Of innocence

I remember last night
Just how well you proved
Your true nature
With your mouth

And as the sunlight
Spreads across the room
To tickle your whiskers
I wonder
Could I be dreaming?

1- Tracey on May 16 2007

Another fab poem inspired by your one-n-only. THIS is intimacy. This is one of the fleeting in-between moments between darkness and light, evening love making and morning waking, day dreams and night dreams and so on.

Great stuff, Shanny-dear.

2- Kath on May 20 2007

Stanza one... I can imagine taking out "the" ~~to me it sounds stronger without it.~~

Stanza two... I am not sure about "vague" I rock back and forth about it. And I am reading this this morning when earlierI looked at my husband still snoozing, ~~and I thought I have never seen a grown man look more like a happy baby asleep. Somehow it is the same experience...but it did not seem vague... he looked like he knew it...but maybe he didn't~~but I sure did...

Stanza three..is perfect

Stanza four... I wonder if the end could be "I wonder/if I'm dreaming... but maybe the abrupt "Could" is like waking up..and could be good for that reason... in some ways I like the understated "I wonder if I'm dreaming" which sneaks up without notice...

but all in all--a beautiful poem. The I and you of each stanza is so appropriate... after the first sets the natural scene.

The line counts feel right to me...the shorter first, and the longer last...which asks the question...(we all know the lovely answer...)