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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

May 16, 2025  

More in ergo sum hominus

1. subvertio

i destroy

Aldebaran blazes red in the summer sky
the moonrise reflects war
a mirror of despair

flames lap the corners of a gold house
with black shutters
charring gentle under angry stars.

rocks shatter from the heat
of my seething

but the wasteland is this city
and everything i touch.

Alcuin of York - on May 18 2007
I decided your work should be matched with ours, and so I will comment on the whole nine yards...or 21 yards.
I believe there should not be a comma after “moonrise”. What is the point of saying “but / the wasteland is ONLY this city...” If the idea is irony, I think it detracts from the sense of total destruction you’re otherwise painting well here. Also, I think your choice of star could be improved with Aldebaran (a red giant).
Alcuin
Anstey - on May 18 2007
Thank you. I had it in my head that Deneb was read, i went and looked and lo and behold...i was wrong. I wanted a bright red star.
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  • stephan
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