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1. subvertio
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I decided your work should be matched with ours, and so I will comment on the whole nine yards...or 21 yards.
I believe there should not be a comma after “moonrise”. What is the point of saying “but / the wasteland is ONLY this city...” If the idea is irony, I think it detracts from the sense of total destruction you’re otherwise painting well here. Also, I think your choice of star could be improved with Aldebaran (a red giant).
Alcuin
I believe there should not be a comma after “moonrise”. What is the point of saying “but / the wasteland is ONLY this city...” If the idea is irony, I think it detracts from the sense of total destruction you’re otherwise painting well here. Also, I think your choice of star could be improved with Aldebaran (a red giant).
Alcuin
by Alcuin of York on May 18 2007