2- Shannon McEwen
on Mar. 31 2007
Very vivid, strong images, I love the yip yap of chihuahuas pentrating your skull, a fantastic description!
I think the last line should be left out for some reason, becuase the title makes me think meditation to reclaim your calm.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
I think the last line should be left out for some reason, becuase the title makes me think meditation to reclaim your calm.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
1- Leanne
on Mar. 28 2007
Parts of this really cut, particularly the second stanza (though I'm not keen on "crunches slices tight", I'd get rid of one of the s endings). I like what you've done with the language, the "yap yip and chew" / "wants needs has to have" kind of lines -- no wasted words and the quick punches are really effective.
And I love the title!