Currently Untitled

This was once posted at a different site. It once had a title. I'm looking for a new title. I'm also considering cutting out stanzas 5,6,& 7....suggestions welcome, as always!

Send me not another half
I am already whole
Unabridg-ed years of life
Not missing from this soul

While truth that opposites attract
And cast a fleeting spell
If sought to vanquish emptiness
With time they shall repel

Complementing characters
May compensate for faults
But past a certain limit
Erode the two gestalts

Instead of missing pieces
I proffer all I be
No longer young - I know my sum
As complementary

A seraph and earthdweller
Spirit of the senses
Songmaker and muse as well
Viewed through different lenses

Fiery fervent passionate
Yielding gentle soft
Submissive if the time feels right
Tenacious when its not

Wanton lustful shy and bold
Reticent loquacious
Temptress, yet I’ll do as told
And subtly outrageous

So send a consort light and dark
To match my enigmata
A complex voice to deepen a
Collaborative cantata

Send me not another half
I am already whole
I need no man to be complete
But just to share my soul

Anstey -
Filling the whole?

isn't it spelled, 'complimentary'? not sure on that.

I'd definitely cut those stanzas.

stephan

ShannonV -
Why do you want to delete 5,6,7? I rather like them. They flow.
The one that I didn't like was stanza 2, it sounds very awkward to me. Mostly the first line "while truth that opposites attract". I know what you're getting at, but it isn't well worded. Also the lines "Instead of missing pieces
I proffer all I be" don't sound right. Just to me, slows down the rest which has a pretty neat cadence. I really like the opening and closing stanzas.

Rhiannon Jones -
Thanks Stephan for the suggestions. Actually, the word is as I wrote it, "complementary" (referring to 2 qualities which enhance one another when combined) rather than complimentary (which refers to expressing praise or approval). Hmmm..considering the title suggestion, the thrust of the poem is about already being whole, not looking for wholeness....so it doesn't really work for me. But thanks for reading!

Rhiannon Jones -
Thanks Shannon! Is this better, for stanza #2? Or do you think I ought to just delete it?:

Its true that opposites attract
And cast a fleeting spell
But used to vanquish emptiness
Then opposites repel
i know what you mean re: the other line. I've struggled alot with that one. originally, it was "I proffer all that I be"...a small part of the problem is that I don't know which syllable gets the accent in "proffer". I guess I oughtta use my dictionary (duh!)

Anstey -

Filling the whole, to me, inplies you're already whole and just filling it out. Hence the appropriosity.

As far as the compliments... I read it the other way, now i see what you meant.

-----
- stephan

ShannonV -
Your re-write of stanza two is MUCH better. In fact, I like it. I definitelythink you should use that one.
And, I didn't even know what "proffer" meant so you're way head of me