the normal psychosis of mothering

it's normal, claimed
the radio psychologist,
a primitive defense mechanism,
and that if a mother
catches her psyche in the act
of toying with the thought
of dropping her newborn --
red-faced-colic or perfect --
from a high-rise window,
don't worry. Don't worry,
she comforted, it's healthy,
it's your subconscious's way
of just checking, making sure,
you wouldn't do such a thing

you cringe
when you find these shadows
among your brain-folds,

don't you?

and we pray for ten fingers,
ten toes, strong lungs,
but our motherhood
is more closely tied
to the fine threads between
our empathy
and disgust
for those who toss
the beauties of their wombs

out with yesterday's sour milk.