Man of the House

When I’d “got up a bit”
I was to “soon sort him out”;
and being one of the street,
was eager to prove a hard man,
hiding my tender nights.

I was to put him to bed when he showed up,
check if he’d have any money on him,
play the reluctant warden, strip-searcher
embarrassed by his effrontery,
pocketing his pockets for her.

I was to hit him –
“go on then, don’t just talk” -
when Friday nights were full of fists;
and I did,
egged-on as I was:
a moment’s sudden cuff;
one smack and stupid smirk
provoked to prove my worth.

But though he was hateful
to ear and eye
(this usurping Mr. Hyde) –
the sense of boundaries over-stepped
was more disturbing still,
had me mouthing “never agains”
almost as sincerely false
as his broken record of promised abstinence
in passing mornings of remorse.

Laura doom -

I'm not understanding S3, the first 6 lines. Are the dashes related? Do they wrap a semantic package, or does the semi-colon pair up with the first dash in closing that subordinate structure?

And a Q regarding the following passage:

had me mouthing “never agains”

almost as sincerely false

as his broken record of promised abstinence

in appreciating the double-take for 'broken record', I wonder if that passage might be sharpened by omitting the rather obviously oxymoronic 'sincerely false' with something like 'with a sincerity matched (only)/by his broken record...'?

U668857 -

Thanks, Laura. I've tightened up the punctuation in those six lines. The direct speech could equally be parenthesised in brackets rather than dashes.

I think I'll keep the oxymoron of "sincerely false" as it encapsulates the expression (and I get the near-rhyme with "remorse")...Rgds., Alan.

Laura doom -

What interests me here is the narrator's understandable preoccupation with his own reluctance, in both motivation and behaviour -- the reader (at least, this reader) is as interested in those of the scantily referenced procurer of assistance. Absences do for the imagination what abstinence does for the addict

Incidentally, I was also struck by the use of 'cuff', suspecting there might be more than a hint of irony in its association with improvisation, given the level of 'rehearsal' implied here?

U668857 -

Thanks, Laura. There is plenty of space in this for surmise...suffice to say the direct speech relates to the "she" ...(a collective of Mother, Sister, Grandmother)...and the "he" is of course the pater at his alcoholic worse....leaving the little-old narrator playing piggy-in-the middle...ah...the distant familial joys(?) of yesteryear!....Rgds., Alan.

Laura doom -

Yes, there was enough in the piece for me to draw those inferences without it being stated explicitly -- a definite plus for me as a reader.

Oh yeh -- please pass on my commiserations to the narrator

fatally
laura

Derma Kaput -

... had me mouthing “never agains” / almost as sincerely false / as his broken record of promised abstinence

The cyclical, emotionally unstoppable nature of this poem, particularly as stated in the passage above, really strikes me in this piece. I barely pick up on the "she" mentioned in the comments here, but I think, within the social milleau, its interesting how individuals end up doing things they wouldn't quite expect, or want, except that social expectations of the unspoken sort begin to warp behaviors. Very interesting poem, with undercurrents of experience that most wouldn't want to admit. I found it disturbing. Which is a plus.

U668857 -

Thanks, Derma - yes, there's a strong element of role-play almost in the dynamics, and the piece is somewhat of the confessional genre ... Rgds., Alan.