her voice and the ensuing sunderance

Hey Chris,

I like what you're doing here, though I think it needs a bit work.

having put myself together now
all the parts in their right place
my mind's super glue is my imagination
lightning bolts for intuition
crashing waves for a shore

My first thought here, besides a general interest (which is such a refreshing thing) is that this stanza needs an action. "Having done 'x' i then did 'y'"  - the way i read this is more a list. The last two lines being much weaker than the third line of this stanza, which I think is absolute gold.

oh, that damned counterfeit marrow
her voice attaches itself to my bones
that sick woman could just shut her mouth
bacteriophage for the soul
she could write a book about it
if she wasn't busy splitting the atoms
in this potato sack above my neck

I feel like the bacteriophage line is stronger than the one that precedes it. I almost wonder if you want to just delete that line. L5 is someone cliche, and clearly from the many interesting and imaginative lines you have here, you can do much better than this. The last two lines are nice, though I do question their connection to the whole of the piece.

i once thought she was beautiful and violet
when i culled her from the other wildflowers
but- now all i see when i lay her down
is a prism on top of a weed
transmitted through my optic nerve
held together by snippets of her

Ok, now, this stanza as it is almost stands as a poem by itself. I don't think the stanza is the same voice or feel as the previous two. Previously, you metaphor wrangles up bodies, hers and yours -- but this last bit suddenly leaps to a whole different set of images. Personally, I found that a bit disconcerting. On the other hand, I think of the three stanzas, this last one is the strongest. I think, if it were mine, I'd consider pulling it out all together as a stand alone poem.

Great stuff Chris. I really enjoyed this work. It was a pleasure to see something so different.