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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in The Personal Space of U668857

This Autumn

 


The Dow Jones is red from ash;

the Nikkei, yellow from oak;

the FTSE, buff from elm.

 

Indexes drop with the sycamore;

forests thin from shedding jobs;

silver eels go down the tubes.

 

The rivers fill with inflation;

unemployment goes up with the salmon;

redundant summer is fading.

 

We squirrel away for winter,

holed-up in negative equity.

The fallen fruit is bitter.
Brent - on Oct. 1 2008

I think it's so difficult to write a decent political or social poem, and this is as strident as I've come to expect from any of those exercises.  Maybe this could work if it were brought down to a more human level, if we were given images of someone specific struggling because of the ugly turn in the economy.  But instead we're given lines about rivers filled with inflation.  What does that river look like? If you can describe it to me, I may say yes to the poem after a few rivers of stiff drinks.

 

Brent


Leanne - on Oct. 1 2008

I'm not sure you can get away with calling the Nikkei "yellow"

If you can remove a couple of "with the" and "from"s, I think this would be stronger instantly.  Just the repeated motifs of trees and fish are enough for continuity.  Then, of course, you bring in a squirrel and I'm not sure he fits well -- it seems like an easy pun rather than a contrast at all.  (Then again, I suppose there aren't a lot of fish choices -- Ruddy 'ard kippering... )  I appreciate that you use "holed up" and "fallen fruit", I just don't think the last stanza ties it all up with the shift in metaphorical elements.

On a side note, my "inlaws" have been wanting to emigrate (who'd want to stay in Britain these days?) but since our economy is relatively stable and theirs is -- well, it's shite -- they've realised that they're not going to be able to afford it for at least five years now.  Depressing times when everything's tied up in a house you're probably not going to be able to sell. 

 


U668857 - on Oct. 1 2008
Sounds like the poem is as dire as the economy!...I'll let this one fall away with the share prices and leaves...Rgds.,Alan.
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