On the corner of Tremont and West last Thursday

draft

and he called the girl a nigger
right out on the street
and i cringed as if he stabbed me

she laughed a bit, but empty
and cold. the cruelty was on her lips
leeched into her bones

if she has a baby, she thinks
it's a nigger too. and i cringe
as if she stabbed me

he laughed a lot, like angry thunder
on the backside of a hurricane
and his hand shot out

if she has his baby, he thinks
it's a nigger too. and i cringe
as if he stabbed me

again she laughed a little, but heartless
and wiped the blood from her lip
as the moment seeped into my bones.

Tracey -

Just the simple use of the word "nigger" carries a charge to it, and in the context of this tense scene all the more so.

I reread this several times, and my main block about it is that, given the title, this is something observed, yet the real-world, in-the-moment observer knows what the people are thinking. And that's...odd.

What does work for me is I can relate to feeling those stabs of pain, and the way such a moment can leave its mark to the bone.

I'm not sure about the delivery, the brevity of the lines. Not sure I can articulate why just yet.

Overall, a good start to a foray into tough territory.

Norm -

this a distinctly urban feel to it and reminds me of an incident I had in NYC a few years back that had a different context, but the same feel. I really like this.

Anstey -

Thanks Norm. I'm working on it. This is one of the few times I can say this is really pretty accurate and true. I think that's why I am having some trouble editting it.. it was a very powerful moment for me, and those thoughts that I attribute to them are the very thoughts I had -- I thought that that must be what they think and how they think. It was just a very troubling thing.