
great to see you writing again Jazzy. If you ever go back to this and want to make something of it, my first thought is: find a cohesive image that can tie all that together -- preferrably something that 'seeths' -- i don't think that repetition alone really does enough work to justify this.
BUT, you wrote something. That has to feel great. Rock on Jazz.

my sky became steel blue
at the thought of loving you
as if knives caressed my veins
and I'd learned to worship pain
Just my thoughts on the direction your post took my insomniacal brain. Work on this and put a slight edge to it when the mood strikes. I like where you're going with this.
Bill