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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

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(untitled poem)

 

 

words rush up
in night’s safe harbor

bang me hard
against piers

pull me seaward
and strain moorings

Alcuin of York - on Aug. 15 2008

I don't think "safe" works here. Also, I think a comma is needed at the end of S1 to clarify that S2 & S3 are not meant in the imperative voice (unless that uncertainty is your deliberate intention). I suspect you're meaning is that the words disturb the safety, but the reader's effort to straighten that out detracts from the poem's power.

Beyond that, I like the brevity, the maintenance of 2-beats / line, though small revisions could keep it iambic. Finally, the terse images work well, and the metaphor is consistent and apropos.

Alcuin


Norm - on Aug. 15 2008

thanks for your comments.  I'm going to have another look at it.


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