And I hate waiting - Shakespeare's Monkeys

and I hate waiting

last one....

If I could I would.
Try so hard to stand tall.
Except when the world is crashing down.
And when the night is young.
I will dance on your heart’s stone.
Laugh till I cry.
Cry till I die.
And I hate waiting.
My heart is what I make it.
Hardened or open or big as a field.
Wildfire steadying across mountains.
This is my life.

I want to die someday.
With a family in a different life.
And petals of rose coloured rosary prayers.
For safety in this new day.
Commandments of an early graying sunrise.

Justice to my thoughts is done.
As this wheel spins.
Cheerfulness is hardly granted with delicacy.
Slower, ever slower.
As I reach the breaking point of my return.
I suddenly am amused.
By the colours of deathly pale fall leaves.
Stripped of their brightness to aid a sunrise.

Leanne -

Catherine, this reads like lyrics -- how's your musical ability?

Why all the full stops? A line break in poetry gives you a good-sized pause anyway, there's no need to finish every phrase with a stop -- in fact, I'd say it's probably the least effective punctuation mark in poetry (except the ellipsis, which is three times worse...) With different punctuation, you have almost a completely different poem.

Given the mood of this, and what you're looking at achieving, there aren't many lines I'd suggest changing. I'm not keen on the world crashing down, it's just been done too often (Atlas sucks at his job). "And I hate waiting" is in exactly the right place, a very effective line. Watch your syntax -- "justice to my thoughts is done" is arse-about, you shouldn't let Yoda into your poetry. Same as "I suddenly am amused". Instead of "slower, ever slower", consider whether "ever" actually adds anything more than "slower, slower" says -- repetition is an effective tool if used sparingly. "Deathly pale" is a cliche but otherwise, those last two lines are really good.

All up, I just want to see what would happen to this if you really thought about your punctuation.